Laces 2: The Groose Mask!
by NON-FANGIRL LegendOfZeldaLover
Summary: The crazy cast from Laces is back in a new adventure in their new home with more wackiness in store!
1. A Crazy Day

Laces 2: The Groose Mask

One day, Link woke up in the little hut that he and Zelda had built together, only to find Zelda missing. Where could she be? Link was very worried. He and Zelda were very bonded, and Karane had even taught Link how to go on a date. She knew from experience because she had been dating Pipit for a little while. Link still had quite some time to go before he reached true debonair.

Link popped out and started looking around.

"Uh-oh," said Pipit. "I think Link is looking for his girlfriend." He poked Karane, who was behind him. "Go tell Link what happened."

"Why me?" asked Karane.

"Zelda is your best friend, girl. Now go!" Pipit gently shoved Karane.

Karane nervously walked up to Link. How to talk to this kid?  
"Ummm… Link?" she asked.

Link glared at her.

"Link, are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeh, no," said Link. "Nuh-uh."

"Are you sick?" Karane asked.

"Yeah," said Link. He patted his belly.

"Does your tummy hurt?" Karane asked.

"Sheesh, tell her already," Pipit reminded Karane, with his teeth clenched.

"Mmm hmm," said Link sadly.

"Umm… Link, I have something to tell you about Zelda," Karane said.

"Eh?" asked Link, head tilted.

"She's… sick," said Karane.

Being sick was much more serious to the Hylians than to the humans, because they didn't have really good doctors or many hospitals.

"EH?!" Link cried, so shocked that his dentures flew out of his mouth.

Link broke down and began sobbing and hugging Karane.

"Umm... Link, please no hugs right now, because my tummy doesn't feel good either," Karane said.

Link let go.

"Link, I think it's the air here that made Zelda sick, because she's not breathing too well. I took her from your hut while you were sleeping," Karane said.

Link started petting Karane's hair.

"Calm down, boo boo," said Karane. "Try not to worry too much about Zelda and take some herbs for your tummy."

Link gave her a look.

"You have no herbs?" Karane asked.

Link shook his head.

"Okay, I'll give you some of mine. This new climate is making us all sick, so I have a lot," Karane said.

Link held out his hand.

"Let me get them," said Karane and scurried off to her hut.

A long time later, Link stood patiently and persistently waiting for Karane's return. She did not come back.

"Oh, no," said Link.

Finally, Pipit came back and said to Link, "I brought some herbs for you because Karane is suddenly really sick and throwing up, so take this."

He handed Link a random bushel of herbs.

Link ran away without saying anything. Not that he knew how to talk.

Link was very distressed. First, Zelda was sick, and now Karane too. Who would Link play with?

Link decided to go to Karane's house anyway, despite the fact that she was apparently very sick. Link knocked on her door, and of course Pipit answered.

"Go away, Rinku! There's nothing you want here," said Pipit.

Link gave Pipit a look.

"Zelda isn't here," said Pipit. "She's at the doctor's."

Link cried as is in pain.

"Link, you won't die because you can't see Zelda," said Pipit.

Link held his throat and fell over.

"What is that going on?" called Karane.

"Go back to bed, Karane!" said Pipit. Then he pushed Link gently with the tip of his boot.

Link pretended to be unresponsive, but you could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"It's not funny, Rinku!" said Pipit. "Get up and leave our house!"

"Why?" asked Link, still just lying there.

Pipit tried to drag Link away by the toe of his boot, but despite looking skinny, Link was actually very heavy.

"Come on, Pipit! You can carry Zelda on your back! Move him!" Karane yelled.

"I thought I told you to go to bed!" Pipit said.

"I'm not sick anymore!" Karane called back.

"Then help me move this crazy boy!" said Pipit.

"Hold, on, let me get up!" said Karane, who appeared wearing a bathrobe and slippers.

"Where are your clothes?" asked Pipit.

"I look better without them," Karane said. Then she looked down at Link. "What is he doing here?!"

"Help me move him!" Pipit commanded.

"Umm… too sick!" said Karane.

Pipit felt Karane's forehead. "You sure don't have a fever!" he said. "It can't be the stomach flu. You must have food poisoning!"

"Oh, no!" said Karane like a fake actor-person on an infomercial. "I guess I'd better tell my mom."

"She's over there," said Pipit, pointing to the east.

Ms. Raven was dancing outside with her laundry.

Karane ran up to her mom. "Hi!" she said in her stupid ugly voice.

"Oh, hi, baby, I'm just… doing chores!" said Ms. Raven, hiding her bra behind her back.

"Can I help?" asked Karane.

"Why sure, baby!" said Ms. Raven.

"She is sick and will puke on your laundry," said Pipit.

"No, I won't!" said Karane angelically.

Pipit scowled and walked back to his house only to find Link lying across his bed as if he owned it.

"Link Rinku, get out of my bed!" Pipit yelled.

"No way!" said Link. "Link like!" He started rubbing his body against the bed.

"Stop that; that is gross!" said Pipit.

Link giggled and did it more. Pipit screamed. Then he ran to his closet and pulled out a whip. (seriously, who knows why he even owned one). He began whipping Link over and over again to make him got off the bed. Link would not get off. Instead, he laughed hysterically as if being whipped was funny.

Just then, Karane walked in. "Pipit! What are you doing? I thought you loved me!"

"This dude won't get off of my bed!" Pipit said.

"Have you tried talking to him?" Karane asked.

"Link, will you please get off?" asked Pipit.

Link huddled up and cried, covered in whip marks.

"Poor boo boo," said Karane. "Do you need some aloe for your cuts?"

"Why?" asked Link, cringing in pain.

"It will work to heal them," said Karane. "Try it."

Link tried the aloe rub and screamed in pain! It stung him!  
"Oh, no, he must be allergic!" said Karane. Link now was very red and swollen pretty much everywhere.

"I'll get some soothing cream from the doctor," said Pipit.

"What if he's allergic to soothing cream?" Karane asked, petting Link's beautiful mop of blonde hair which is much longer than in the last book.

"He still needs to get out of my bed," said Pipit.

"Why?" asked Link.

"Because it's my bed!" said Pipit, shoving Link off.

Link hit his head on the hard floor and started screaming again.

"Does he ever shut up?" asked Pipit.

"No, and I like it!" said Karane, sitting on Pipit's bed and putting her feet on Link's head.

"Oh, oh, oh!" Link moaned. He was really hurt now.

Just then, Zelda came in. "I feel better now!" she sang. Then she saw Karane using Link's head as a foot rest.

"Karane, what are you doing to my buddy?" asked Zelda.

"Abusing him," said Karane casually.

"Why?!" asked Zelda.

"Because my feet hurt! I need to rest them!" whined Karane.

"Baby," said Zelda. Karane jabbed Zelda's rib.

Link whined to remind Zelda of his presence. He was very irritated. He was pretty much being treated like Karane and Pipit's personal punch bag.

Zelda shoved Karane.

"Hey, give a lady respect!" said Karane. "I'm sick and my feet and tummy hurt! What is your problem?" She looked about to cry.

"Don't cry, Karane," said Pipit, offering Karane a tissue.

"Don't give Karane a tissue!" roared Zelda. "She's a bully!"

She leapt across Pipit's lap and tore the tissue from his hand.

Pipit pulled Zelda's hair. Karane laid across Pipit's lap. "Don't take him away!" she said.

Link struggled to get free. Okay, now, just imagine not being able to speak for yourself and that you're stuck on someone's floor with their feet on your head and in addition you're covered in whip marks that are stinging because they've been rubbed with a substance that you're allergic to.

"You must let him go!" said Zelda. Zelda, Pipit and Karane all wrestled on Pipit's bed. The tissue ripped and landed on Link's head.

Link blinked very hard.

"You got tissue on my footrest!" Karane cried.

"That's actually my friend," said Zelda.

Pipit got off of the bed and picked up the Kleenex box and hit Karane over the head with it. Karane screamed but still didn't move her feet.

"Just stop fighting and let Link go! Can't you be a happy family?" Zelda shouted.

"Yeah, ok," said Pipit and Karane in unison and Karane lifted her feet.

Link lifted his face and groaned in disgust.

Zelda helped Link up and patted his back.

"Let's go home, Rinku," she said and guided Link out.

"Hey! Zelda stole my footrest!" squealed Karane.

"Deal with it," said Pipit. "Also, your mom is pressing her face up against the window and it's really creepy."

Karane threw a rock at her window and the window broke.

The rock hit Ms. Raven in the mouth and it started bleeding.

"Owwww!"cried Ms. Raven. "Why did you throw a rock at me?! I only wanted to check in on you and your boyfriend!"

"He's my husband," said Karane.

"When did you get married?" asked Ms. Raven.

"Yesterday," lied Karane. It was actually a few months ago.

"Oh, okay," said Ms. Raven. "But still, you threw a rock at my mouth!"

"I know! Isn't it funny?" giggled Karane.

"You need help. Serious help," said Pipit.

"Why?! That was fun!" said Karane.

"But that's not nice," said Pipit. "She's your mom! You came out of her!"

"I did?" asked Karane

"Yes!" said Pipit.

"Why?" asked Karane.

"Karane, aren't you 20 years old?" asked Pipit.

"Yeah! So was my mom when I was born!" said Karane.

"So you do know," said Pipit.

"I came out of her belly?" asked Karane.

Pipit closed all the doors and windows.

"What's wrong?" asked Karane. "Are the police coming to take me away?"

"Let's have a talk," said Pipit.

Meanwhile…

Link is sitting on his bed, chewing on his toenails.

"That's really gross," said Zelda. "I don't think I can ever get over that."  
Crunch! Snap! Crack!  
Link looked up, his toenail-coated tongue hanging out of his mouth.

Zelda sighed. "Link, please stop that."

"Lihhh!" said Link, spitting out the toenails.

Just then, Karane burst into their house, breathing heavily.

"Good news, guys!" she said.

"What?" asked Zelda.

"Pipit just had a talk with me," she said.

"Okay?" asked Zelda.

"Cover Link's ears," said Karane.

Karane leaned really close to Zelda.

"Umm… please leave?" asked Zelda, covering Link's ears.

Karane screamed in Zelda's ear and then ran away.

"Karane is loco," said Zelda.

"I heard that!" said Karane.

"Good!" said Zelda. "Now go home before I throw a rock at your face."

"What? That's cruel!" said Karane.

Pipit dragged her away by her shirt collar.

"I hope I don't see her again," said Zelda, letting go of Link's ears.

Link started patting his shoulders and lap rhythmically.

"Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah!" he sang.

"And that's why I'll never be able to have children," said Zelda.

"I want children!" said Karane, pressing her face against the window creepily.

Zelda picked up a rock. Karane shrunk down. "Please don't kill me," she said.

Zelda threw the rock really hard and it hit Ms. Raven as she was walking by.

"Not again!" said Ms. Raven. This time, she got hit in the back of the head.

"Mommy! Did a meanie throw a rock at you?" Karane asked.

"You did!" said Ms. Raven. "Die!"

"No, don't die!" said Pipit. "Come to my house!"

"I don't want to leave my baby!" said Ms. Raven.

"Then don't tell her to die for Hylia's sake!" said Pipit.

"Oh, no," said Link, huddling into a ball. Then he started chanting to himself.

"You've traumatized him!" said Zelda. "Poor baby!"

Suddenly, the wind started blowing very hard. It made whistling noises. It started picking up speed.

"Where is this from all of a sudden?" cried Zelda.

Grey clouds stained the sky. Thunder rumbled. The ground shook.

"What is going on?" asked Karane, who ended up sitting in her mom's lap.


	2. Aftermath

"Oh, no!" said Zelda. "Where is everybody?" She looked around frantically.

"Where is Link? He's my baby boo!" she cried.

Link wouldn't last long on his own. He was almost 18 but behaved and acted like he was somewhere from 2-5, and didn't seem aware of how to conduct himself more maturely.

"I must find everybody!" said Zelda. "But Link first!"

Link was trapped under pieces of a house. There was a big enough hole that he could breathe but he couldn't see that far and was squished too much to escape. He cried for help but no one came. He wriggled up as much as the restraints allowed him and looked out. The once beautiful clear blue sky was now grey and dull. Threatening storm clouds persistently hung low. There was heavy moisture in the air. The grass was all ripped up and house pieces were everywhere.

Zelda began to cry. They had just moved to their new home and had finally gotten settled, and now this? They would have to restart again.

Karane and Ms. Raven were both in the middle of nowhere. Their bodies were thrown by the force of the winds.

Karane was breathing heavily as she pulled herself up.

"I wonder what just went on?" she said, to herself, because she was lonely.

"I must find my baby! I hope these children are alright!" said Ms. Raven. "I must be the responsible adult."

Groose lived in the village a while ways behind this one. This village had also been impacted by the strange phenomenon of nature. He had wandered up to see what else the storm had hit. The first thing he came across was the house where Link was trapped. Link stuck his left hand out a hole between sheets of wood.

"Link? Is that you there?" asked Groose. "Are you stuck, little buddy?"

Link moaned and bounced up and down in the rubble. Groose roared and tore the wood sheets away from Link. A dirty grubby boy crawled out and hugged Groose's legs.

"Alright, off of me. It's Groose time!" said Groose. Link continued to cling to Groose. Groose kicked Link in the face and he fell back into the hole.

"Groose! Did you kick my baby boo?" Zelda asked, stomping in.

"Yeah! I damaged his stupid idiot face!" said Groose, holding up a fist.

"My baby!" cried Zelda.

"Dah, dah," said Link from the hole.

"Can you get out, baby?" Zelda asked sympathetically.

"Ummm…" Link tried to climb out.

Zelda lowered a branch down the hole. "Grab this!" she said.

Link grabbed and pulled himself up.

Zelda hugged Link even though he was dirty. Link sneezed in Zelda's face.

Zelda pulled back. "Ew," she said. "What was that for?"

Link began sneezing over and over again and couldn't stop. Eventually, he sneezed so much that blood came out of his nose. Zelda didn't step back far enough to avoid the blood spraying out.

"Gross!" Zelda groaned. "Link, are you alright?"

About a minute later, Link was still sneezing and bleeding.

"That's not normal," panicked Zelda. "Something's wrong, but now there's not a time to go to the doctor. The hospital was probably destroyed in the storm."

Link shook his head and it looked like he would stop sneezing, but he continued.

"Oh, Zelda, let's walk up anyway," said Groose. "It's our only chance."

Zelda pulled a dilapidated cloth from her dress pocket and handed it to Link. Link gave her a curious look.

"I know, it was special to me, but you need it now. It's ruined anyway," said Zelda.

The three trudged up to where the hospital was.

"Well, it's higher up, so maybe the tornado didn't hit up there," Zelda said, but she was all too hopeful.

The trio finally arrived and was surprised to see while the hospital had no roof and some walls missing, it was still there and still open because so many Hylians had been hurt by the strange storm.

Zelda rushed in with Link. "Can you help us?" she asked the Hylian at the front desk.

"What is the nature of you problem? We're overflowing and in bad shape, so if no one is critically injured, you'll have to wait," said the desk lady.

"He won't stop sneezing and now he's sneezing out blood!" said Zelda.

"Please take a number and wait," said the desk lady.

"Aww…" Zelda gasped. She looked at Link. He was sneezing so hard that his entire body was jerking and he was sneezing closer and closer together every minute.

"Do you have any tissues?" Zelda asked.

The lady pointed everywhere. The tissues had been shredded and dropped all over the building.

"I don't think it is so much of a big deal now that you consider the condition so many other are in," said Sick Groose, eating chocolate-covered raisins.

Zelda was trying to comfort Link by patting his back, but suddenly Link breathed in really hard.

"Oh, Link, no, you'll inhale the blood!" said Zelda.

It was too late. Link fell over and started choking.

"Seriously, we have to wait?" yelled Zelda.

"It's only fair to the others," said the desk lady.

"I'm calling security!" Zelda wailed. "He could die!"

"So could everybody else," said the desk lady.

Zelda kicked the desk lady.

"You idiot! Go home! You do not have an emergency!" the desk lady snarled.

"We don't have a home. It's gone!" said Zelda.

"Well, then go to the storm victim shelter!" cackled the desk lady, handing Zelda a map. "It's just northeast of here, sweetheart." She then gave Zelda loving pat and then barked into the microphone about the next patient.

A little more than an hour, somebody finally agreed to x-ray Link's nose to make sure it wasn't broken, which it was.

"You did this!" growled Zelda to Groose. "You kicked my baby in the face!"

Zelda got a huge medical bill and Link got a band-aid.

The group eventually had to move in to the homeless shelter, where most of the Hylians were. After all, there were 3 major villages destroyed and those were Faroria, Nayrudo, and Dintasia.

Link, however was on the brink of being kicked out. He constantly asked to touch others' faces and to lick and kiss their feet (what the heck?!). He kept peeing in random places and breaking everything.

"He's just stressed and confused," said Zelda. "He's not trying to cause trouble."

"I can't keep cleaning up after him!" yelled the manager. "This is ridiculous!"

Zelda was trying to hold back a struggling Link, who wanted to touch the manager's face.

"Make him stop," said the manager.

"Link, please don't touch his face," said Zelda.

Link went limp. Then, he fell over.

"Not again," said Zelda.

Link then started acting like he was struggling to break free despite the fact that n one was even touching him. The manager made everyone else leave the room.

"What is going on?" asked Zelda.

"He has lost control of himself," said the manager, whose name is Mr. Quells.

"Is he alright?"asked Zelda.

"We'll see if he gets up," said Mr. Quells."Seriously, he has to leave. This is unacceptable."

Link eventually stopped and then began crying as loud as he could.

Mr. Quells came over and grabbed Link's hand. "Get up!"

Zap!

"Ow, you have static on your hand, boy!" said Mr. Quells.

Link giggled and began drooling excessively.

"He's crazy," said Mr. Quells.

"Just leave him alone and he'll stop," Zelda suggested. "He only wants attention."

It took about 30 minutes for Link to calm down and realize that no one wanted to be around him.

"Okay, you're Zelda, right?" asked Mr. Quells.

"Yes, sir," said Zelda.

"Are you in charge of him?" asked Mr. Quells.

"Umm…no, he's just my best friend!" said Zelda.

"Why do you care so much for him?' asked Mr. Quells.

"I help him with his life," said Zelda. "No one really understands him."

"I don't understand him," said Mr. Quells. "Listen, we've got to think of somewhere else for him to go because I cannot handle him!"

"You're kicking him out?" asked Zelda.

"Yes! He seems unable of functioning properly. He seriously needs more life assistance. And you are just a little girl!" said Mr. Quells.

"I am not little! I'm 17! The same age as Link! We have the same birthday! We're almost 18!" Zelda insisted.

"You definitely act more your age than he does," said Mr. Quells.

"I don't know what's wrong with him," said Zelda. '"But I don't think that he can help it. You have to let him be."

"If he can't help it, then he needs to be sent to some kind of institution," said Mr. Quells. "But he can't stay here and worry all these normal, innocent people. They're very traumatized by the storm, and he's just making it worse."

Zelda sighed and patted Link's shoulder. "You poor boo boo," she said.

"If you want, I can help you find somewhere," said Mr. Quells.

"No!" Zelda insisted. "Link will go wherever I go! And if he has to leave, then I will too!"

"Life doesn't work that way," said Mr. Quells. "Other people will probably also agree that Link needs a better place to stay. It will be better for him, too. After all, didn't you say that he'll be 18 soon?"

"Yes," said Zelda.

"Well, once he's 18 he has to be independent by Hylian law unless a suitable guardian can be found," Mr. Quells said.

"His uncle Alfon always cared for him," said Zelda.

"Alfon Rinku?" asked Mr. Quells.

"Yes," said Zelda.

"He's crazy! He won't be able to care for Link!" said Mr. Quells. "Listen, I'll call all the institutions, ok?"

"NOT OKAY!" said Zelda. "Link stays with me!"

"He'll eventually be taken by force," said Mr. Quells.

"No!" said Zelda, giving Link a big tight hug.

Link fell into Zelda's arms, going limp again. He began drooling again. This time, he was not laughing. His eyes were very rolled up into his head.

"Please stop doing this," said Zelda, shaking Link. Link did not get up.

"This is not funny! Get up! Please!" said Zelda. She let go of Link. Link flopped onto the floor without trying to stop himself.

"This is new," said Zelda.


	3. Link falls apart and a talking owl!

Mr. Quells shook his head and clicked his tongue. "He'll just get worse and worse," he said. "Zelda, you can't always take care of him. Especially since you are both the same age. And opposite genders. You have to be married or something."

"If only my father were here," said Zelda. "He would know what to do."

Just then, a low-flying owl landed on a tree branch and pecked on the outside window.

"I guess I'll just go talk to this random owl," said Zelda. She went outside and approached the tree. "Whoo whoo?" she asked.

"Who am I? My name is Kaepora-" said the owl. It then turned its head upside down! "Gaebora," it finished,

"No it isn't!" said Zelda. "I must be hallucinating. Owls don't talk and they don't turn their heads upside down!"

"I do, and I'm an owl," said the owl. "Now, what information do you seek today?"

"I don't want to know anything from you," said Zelda.

"Hoo hoo hoo!" The owl laughed. "Of course you do! This may be your one and only privilege to talk to such a wise old owl. There's lots I can teach you, my child. You have done much good for yourself, and of that you should be proud. But now is the time to consider the present. What is ailing you today, miss?"

"I'm fine, thank you very much," said Zelda.

"Perhaps you did not hear my question," said the owl. "Maybe I should tell you again. This may be your one and only privilege to talk to such a wise old owl. There's lots I can teach you, my child. You have done much good for yourself, and of that you should be proud. But now is the time to consider the present. What is ailing you today, miss?"

Zelda banged her head against the tree. "Shut up, idiot!" she groaned.

"Idiot? Me? I was born very special," said the owl. "Why, I'm big, and smart and I can talk, Oh, yes, I can talk. I was given the very special job of helping children just like you! I know you have a problem, don't be shy! Or would you like to address the issues of another? I am a listener, you know. I may not have big ears like you, but I listen with all of my heart. Of course, you Hylians are born with 6 hearts, but, oh, you get it. No matter what you tell me, I will keep it very safe. Got it? Now tell me what is going on, stat!" The owl turned its head again.

Zelda ran away as fast as she could. "Ahhh!" she screamed. "Talking owl!"

She ran and bumped into Karane, whom she thought was dead. "Karane! You're alive! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! You will not believe what I saw!"

"Of course I'm alive," snapped Karane. "And let me guess, you saw a talking owl."

"How. Did. You. Know?!" Zelda shrieked.

"I saw him, too," said Karane. "Scared the mess out of me."

"Where are your mom and Pipit?" asked Zelda.

"I thought you knew!" said Karane. "Is all my family dead?'"

The owl landed on Karane's head.

"Oh, no," sighed Link, who was chasing it.

"Get it off, get it off!" Karane squealed, struggling to break free.

The owl looked down into Karane's eyes. "Hoo!" it screamed.

Karane blacked out.


	4. Bad choice, bad choice

A week later, Zelda and Link were staying in a hotel west of the homeless shelter.

Mr. Quells had warned them that they would probably get kicked out very soon, but Zelda was still holding on with all her faith. So far, Link had been quite a gentleman but Zelda had been struggling to scrape together enough rupees to pay for their room and she began to wonder if she really just ought to have stayed at the shelter, despite Link's increasing number of functional difficulties. She was worried that she really might have to give him up.

Link was like a child to Zelda. She had always tried to cover up the fact that something might be wrong with Link but now it dawned on her. He would never become fully mature. Had he injured his head or something? Or had a stroke? Or was he just weird?

Zelda shook her head. "Stop thinking those thoughts," she said to herself. "He'll be fine as long as I can be there for him."

Zelda, however, found herself fingering through a phone book the way she did whenever Link was asleep.

Suddenly, she slammed it shut. "Stop that!" she said out loud. "Link will stay with you, no matter what the cost."

Zelda turned around only to see that Link was not napping like she thought. But then, why was he so quiet? That's when she got a call from the front desk saying that he was skinny-dipping in the pool. Zelda did a facepalm. Ugh, she was so irresponsible. How could she let this happen? And now she had to go get him? Embarrassing! Zelda cringed as she walked down to find him, but luckily he was out and had a towel around him. He then grinned and waved his left hand floppily at her.

"Not funny, Rinku," Zelda said with her teeth bared. "Put on your clothes!"

The tornado had only hit one area in Hyrule, and the hotel was outside of that area, luckily.

Link squealed in excitement from all the attention. Many Hylians were giving him weird looks.

Zelda escorted Link back up to their room and shoved him in the bathroom with new clothes.

"Don't ever try that again!" she said. Then, she mumbled under her breath, "You big, hairy, boy."

Link stuck his tongue out at Zelda, and then slammed the door in her face.

"That's very mature of you!" Zelda yelled. "Really!"

The following sound assumed the fact that Link was slapping his butt.

Zelda kicked the door. She never thought she could be so angry at someone she loved so much. Link squealed in shock.

"Shut up!" Zelda yelled. Then, a horrible thought went through her head. She quickly packed up and left the hotel, without taking Link. That was her solution was to just abandon him.

"Ha, he's going to be in a sticky situation," said Zelda. "Legally old enough to care for himself, but unable to explain!"

Zelda went back to the shelter where the manager gave her a disproving look.

"Zelda," he said. "I thought you took Link and left!"

"I am back now," said Zelda.

"Where is Link?" asked Mr. Quells, looking around.

"Ummm... he's in a better place," said Zelda without even realizing it.

"He died?" asked Mr. Quells, gaping.

"No, I've left him somewhere," said Zelda.

Mr. Quells surprisingly did not question where Zelda had left Link. He just gave her a comforting pat on the back. "My dear, I know that may have been a tough choice to make, but you should be very proud. You did the right thing."

Zelda turned purple with embarrassment and guilt. (Hylian blood is purple). Suddenly, she realized that what she had done was very wrong. Oh well, there was no turning back now. She would just wait for things to play out. And after Link's stunt today, she wouldn't really miss him.


	5. A chapter that makes no sense

Oh, but Zelda did miss Link terribly. It was actually quite boring not having to to look out for him. And Zelda wondered if the manager would know that she lied.

Meanwhile, Link had of course gotten dressed and had left the bathroom in shock to see that Zelda was gone and so was all her stuff.

"No Zelda?!" Link shrieked. He began running around the hotel calling for her. Where could she be? Had she really left him?  
Link then entered the dining hall where some Hylians were eating. He howled loudly as if in pain.

"Him again," said one of the Hylians.

"He's crazy," said another.

"Just ignore him," said the first Hylian.

"I'll try," said the second.

After seeing that no one was approaching him, Link screamed pitifully and dropped to the floor,

"Is he alright, though?" asked the second Hylian.

"Yes, he's just trying to get attention," said Hylian 1.

Link proceeded to thrash his body around on the floor as he cried out in sadness.

The manager then approached Link and said, "Sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave!"

Link attempted to climb onto the manager,

"And I'm not carrying you out!" yelled the manager. "Scat, before I have to call the police!"

Link hurried out.

After he ran like he was on fire, Link began to quietly walk around outside the hotel, kicking pebbles with the toe of his boot. Zelda had abandoned him! What had he ever done? Just then, Link saw a girl who looked like Zelda walking by. Was Zelda back? Link broke into a gallop and gave all he got to catch up with the girl. He then tackled her excitedly, only to see that she was not Zelda. The girl glared at Link and then punched him in the face. "Get off of me, creep!" she yelled.

Link got off and let her go. How embarrassing! But where was the real Zelda?

This also made Link realize that he probably didn't have very good eyesight. He had glasses once, but they were destroyed by Groose and glasses were very scarce for the Hylians. Anyone wearing them would surely get stared at.

Link really didn't care at this point. Surely, he could manage, glasses or not. And just to let you know, no, he will not ever get new glasses.

After the false alarm, Link quickly regressed back to his dismal state. Zelda was the only one to ever love him. Even his own parents almost killed him! He didn't know why she had gotten so mad. Oh well, maybe she would come back. After all, this didn't seem like something Zelda would do.

Just then, Karane made her way up to Link. Link didn't do anything though, because he was worried that she might be someone who just looked like Karane. Soon, though, Karane was leaning against Link.

"Hey, big boy," she greeted him, rather inappropriately.

"Eh?" asked Link. Karane was in his personal space.

"Hey, Link, are ya feeling lonely?" Karane asked Link.

"Mmm hmm," Link whined, nodding.

"I know what will make you feel better!" said Karane.

"Eh?" asked Link, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"A cigarette!" said Karane, pulling one out of her pocket.

Link's eyes bugged out. "Oh, no," he said.

"What? You can have it for free," said Karane.

"No way," Link mumbled, sticking his hands in his pockets and walking away.

"You need it!" said Karane, chasing Link.

"NO!" yelled Link. He then tackled Karane.

"Just take it!" Karane screamed, shoving the cigarette in Link's face. Link smacked it out of her hand and it rolled down the street,

"Ugh! You horrible beast!" Karane screamed, pushing Link away and getting up. "I offered to help you!"

"Link no like you," said Link.

"Meanie!" Karane squealed, picking up the cigarette,

When did she start using cigarettes?

Link chased her and tackled her again.

"Let me smoke!" Karane protested. "I'm twenty years old, mister! I can do what I want!"

Link got off of Karane and took her cigarette. Then he unrolled it.

"Fool! What the heck are you doing?" Karane asked. Link looked at the inside. Whatever was inside definitely wasn't tobacco.

Link gave Karane a look.

"I can't say a word," said Karane, doing the zipped lips sign.

Just then, Karane's mom came over and saw Link on top of Karane. He had placed the unrolled cigarette on her hand.

"What is going on? Karane, were you smoking?" Ms. Raven asked Karane.

"No, mommy dearest!" said Karane.

"Yeah," said Link.

"I believe Link," said Ms. Raven. "Give me the cigarette, honey."

Karane handed the unrolled cigarette to her mom.

"Baby, don't let me catching you trying this again," said Ms. Raven,

"Yes, mommy," said Karane.

"And Link!" said Ms. Raven, looking at Link. "How tall you've grown! So handsome, too! I believe you have a good chance of finding a girlfriend!" Ms. Raven then winked.

"I'm married, mom," said Karane. "Pipit is my husband!"

"You make a lovely couple," said Ms. Raven. "You and Pipit both."

"I know," said Karane. "It's too bad we don't have a house anymore."

Ms. Raven hugged her daughter."Don't worry, honey dear," she said. "You will have a new house. Maybe even better than the old one. Maybe Hylia sent the weird storm to show us that we could do better."

"It's like a punishment, mom!" sobbed Karane. "I really can't cope any longer. I need to smoke!"

"There are better ways to handle this. Trust me," said Karane's mom. "Trust me. I don't smoke whenever I get stressed."

"Well, I never actually smoked," said Karane. "I didn't get the chance to light up."

"That's good! Save your life!" said Ms. Raven, hugging Karane again.

"You're squishing me," said Karane.

Ms. Raven hugged tighter.

Link felt left out. He tugged on Ms. Raven's skirt.

"Group hug!" said Ms. Raven, adding Link.

"Really… squished!" Karane gasped.

Link licked Karane's hair.


	6. Karane jerked back

Karane jerked back. "Ew! Gross, Link!" she cried. "Why did you lick my hair?"

Link rubbed his palms together. "Link like!"

Ms. Raven touched Link's shoulder. "Don't lick hair, Rinku," she calmly redirected him.

Link sighed, and then said, "No Zelda?"

"Oh, Zelda went back to the shelter. I came here to look for Karane. I had no idea you were still here."

"Link no like," snapped Link.

"Let's go back," said Ms. Raven.

"He was kicked out," said Karane, adjusting her ugly, stupid-looking hat.

"No! Not the baby!" said Ms. Raven, massaging Link's hairy head. "He's so soft and cuddly!"

"Ew, gross," said Karane. "You're supposed to love and cuddle me, not the big hairy boy!"

"But he has such a soft squishy body!" cooed Ms. Raven.

"So do I!" said Karane.

"No, you're hard and stiff," said Ms. Raven. "You used to be soft and squishy, though,."

"Knights must be hardy and robust," Karane said.

"Link is a knight, and he's squishy, though!" said Ms. Raven, giving Link an unwelcome squeeze. Link gave Ms. Raven a look.

"Mom, you're being too affectionate. Are you okay?" Karane asked.

"Couldn't be better!" Ms. Raven squealed.

"You… need help," said Karane.

"I can manage my own life, missy!" snapped Ms. Raven, shoving Link down very hard. Link hit his head on the concrete.

"Mommy!" You hurt my baby boo!" Karane squealed.

Link was not moving. Karane knelt down and stroked his soft, long hair.

"He's hurt," she moaned.

"Well he was in my way!" Ms. Raven snapped, and then stomped off, leaving her daughter and Link behind.

Karane cuddled Link's head. "You sure do pass out a lot," she said softly.

Just then, Sick Groose made his way along.

"Hey, loser, what are you doing with the reject kid?" he asked Karane.

"I'm cuddling him. He's hurt," said Karane. "Call a carriage to take him to the doctor."

"No way! I hate him and I want him to die!" said Groose.

"Jerk," said Karane. She kicked Sick Groose in the leg,

"You idiot!" Groose howled. He shoved Karane and she landed on Link.

"How dare you beat up a girl!" growled Karane.

"You're an ugly girl, though," said Groose.

"Mommy, come back!" yelled Karane.

Pipit came in just then.

"What is going on?" he yelled.

"Groose pushed me onto Link!" wailed Karane.

Pipit punched Groose. "Leave my wife alone!" he yelled.

Groose put his fist in Pipit's face. "Don't. Pick. On Groooooooooooooose!" he yelled.

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?" asked Pipit.

Groose grabbed Pipit and held him over his shoulders.

"Aye aye aye!" Pipit wailed.

Karane picked herself up off of Link.

"Put him down!" she yelled at Groose.

Groose threw Pipit at Karane. She caught him but he was so much bigger than her that she collapsed.

"What happened?" asked Pipit.


	7. What

Now Link had a small concussion and a broken nose. Karane was ok, but for some mysterious reason she was still in the hospital. Pipit was also ok.

Karane's mom had actually come back because of the commotion. She was the one who had taken them to the hospital. It was a different one than the one that had been damaged by the tornado. It was northeast of the hotel. Zelda, of course, was notified about what had happened to Link and she instantly felt guilty about leaving hum behind. Of course he would get into some sort of trouble and be kicked out! What was she thinking? At least her dumb father wouldn't stop her from seeing Link this time around.

Zelda also hoped that Link's head wasn't injured too badly because she didn't want him losing any more skills, especially since he didn't really do that much to start with.

When Zelda came to see Link, she brought him flowers that she had picked. Who knows why. She had to put them into a cup instead of a pot, though, because Link loved to break pots for some unknown reason. Zelda instantly greeted Link by name when she came in.

Link tilted his bandaged (who knows why) head and said, "Eh?"

"I said, 'Hi, Link'," said Zelda.

"No know Link," said Link.

"Don't be silly," said Zelda. "You are Link and you know it too!"

"No know," said Link.

A nurse who looked awfully similar to Longhira came up to Zelda and said, "He's a little bit confused but I promise you it won't be permanent."

"Ok," sighed Zelda.

Link sat up and began patting his lap and shoulders in the same rhythmic way he had before the tornado. "Na, na na na, na na na, na na na! Na, na na na, na na na, na na na na!" he sang.

"He's a real sweetheart," said the nurse who looked like Longhira.

"Umm… may I ask your name?" asked Zelda.

"I have many names," said the nurse. "Today, my name is Sweetie."

"You've got to be kidding me," said Zelda 2 coming into the room.

"Zelda! I haven't seen you in so long!" said Zelda, going to give Zelda 2 a hug,

Zelda 2 resisted. "Now is not the time for hugs," she said. "I have another message from Hylia."

Zelda sighed. "Okay, what is it?"

"Your dad will be here soon," said Zelda 2. "He will appear in this very spot where I stand now. Just wait tennnn minutessss!"

"Oh boy!" said Link's roommate, sitting up straight, Link's roommate kind of looked him. "I'm so hungry, I could eat an Octorok!"

"Dinner is in tennnn minutessss," said Zelda 2. She then snapped her fingers and disappeared in a flash, much the way Ghirahim did.

Zelda gasped. "She a lie!" she said.


	8. Link goes to preschool

Nothing could be helped. The Hylians slowly had to rebuild Hyrule and Gaepora never appeared. Hyrule's authorities placed Zelda and Link into the new senior high school. It was a regular Hylian school (Hylians have different standards than humans). Zelda knew that Link's behavior would get him kicked out pretty quickly. The admin had no idea that Link was so babyish. He barely was able to stay in his boarding school! And he had just come back from having a head injury. He still had bandages on, too.

Zelda felt odd to be at the school. It was so different from the boarding school where she was born and raised. It also felt weird to suddenly be learning regular things after hearing so much about knight training. The plight from Skyloft had left so many knights without jobs. The building was small and crude for now, but they planned for it to expand. Link and Zelda got placed in the same homeroom.

"I really feel like I ought to be done," said Zelda. "I'm almost 18!"

Link was late. He stumbled in like a drunk person, his head all wrapped up.

"I feel like we're in elementary," said Zelda.

The teacher said, "This is only temporary. Until Hyrule builds a law. You're right; you're probably not supposed to be here."

Link crashed into a desk and knocked it over. "Oh, no," he said.

"Please be more careful," said the teacher.

Link tripped over the fallen desk and crashed into another one.

"Uh, no," he said.

"STOP!" yelled the teacher. "That's quite enough, you clumsy oaf!"

Link began to cry.

The teacher picked up the desks Link had knocked over and straightened them. "Go to the principal's office!"

Link saluted clumsily and stumbled out, but then tripped over nothing and fell flat on his face. "Dahhhh!" he growled in frustration. Why couldn't he stand up straight?

"I said, stop!" screamed the teacher. She leapt over her desk and ran out of the room. She then picked Link up by the collar of his shirt and whacked his butt. "Behave yourself, Rinku!"

Link wailed.

"What are you doing?" asked Zelda.

"Spanking Rinku. As if it's any of your business," snapped the teacher.

"It is! You're hurting my friend!" said Zelda.

"Make better friends!" said the teacher.

"No! Don't tell me what to do!" said Zelda.

"I'M THE BOSS!" yelled the teacher.

Just then, the principal's voice came over the intercom. "NO, I'M THE BOSS!"

Zelda tried to help Link but the teacher blocked her. "Leave him alone! He's going to the preschool!"  
"He's too old for that!" said Zelda.

"Physically, yes. Mentally, no," said the teacher. "Let's go, Rinku!" And she dragged him down the hall.

The teacher arrived at the preschool and dropped Link off.

"Hey, guys, here's our new student. His name is Rinku," said the teacher. "He loves to learn and play!"

"Umm… how old is he?" asked a preschooler.

"18," said the teacher.

"And I thought I was too old," said a 5-year-old.

"You are," the teacher reassured him.

"Okay, Link," said the preschool teacher. "Sit down on the rug."

Link promptly sat down and started picking on his leg hair.

"Stop that," said the preschool teacher.

"NO WAY!" screamed Link, revealing that he only had a few teeth.

"Go sit in the timeout," said the teacher.

"No," said Link.

The teacher picked Link up and plopped him in the timeout corner. "Bad boy," she said. "Follow my directions."

Then, she cheered up. "Now, let's play the share about you game! Each of you share your name and one thing about yourself! You go first!" She pointed to a preschooler.

"My name is Seagu and I run fast!" said one of the kids.

"I wanna see!" said another kid.

Seagu ran and crashed into a table. "Ouch," he said.

"Link wanna!" yelled Link, feeling very left out of this game.

"No, Rinku, you're in time out because you're a bad boy. Bad boys don't get to play games."

Link bawled.

The teacher ignored Link until the game was over.

"Okay, Rinku. Wanna color?" she asked him.

"Yeh," said Link.

The teacher gave Link a coloring book and crayons and Link colored until the class was let out for the day. Zelda had to come and pick Link up.

"How did you get here?" she asked him.

"No Know," said Link. "Link like you!"

"Oh, please," said Zelda. "Come on, boo boo, let's go!"


	9. The Staff

The staff at the institution was all looking out for Link, but they also thought he should learn how to talk. Of course, though, Link couldn't talk. It wasn't just in his mind. His vocals weren't formed properly enough to make all the words he needed to. He could make noises in his regular voice but it all sounded squeaky when he tried to talk.

If only more people could understand that. Link's speech problems were not related to the fact that he acted like a baby. Link did want to communicate with his peers so badly. He been taught a little bit of sign language, but Groose taught him some stuff too and it was very inappropriate stuff. Including one gesture you probably know. I'm not saying what it is…

As for Link's intelligence, it was just on the border of literal idiocy, but just high enough for him to function normally in some ways. Basically, he's not stupid but almost.

Link of course was having issues adjusting but he had been moved to so many different places he had lost his sense of security.

Link also felt that he was being treated inappropriately as he was put in a bed with rails! Rails that went all the way up like a crib! He was not a baby! Link knew he was big. He knew he was almost eighteen. He just didn't know how to act sometimes. Now, he felt so locked up that instead of becoming aggressive like he planned to, he just mellowed down and become somewhat depressed. He moved so little that people actually had to move him so he wouldn't get blood clots. Hylians have many hearts and extra-thick blood so they are more susceptible to blood clots than humans.

Worse yet, the doctors could not figure anything about Link because he was being so lifeless and lethargic. They had put the rails up because they did that to all their patients to figure out if they were dangerous or not. And lying there quietly, all curled up, Link was definitely not a threat to anyone.

So one day, a nurse came in and let one rail down and waited cautiously. Link just laid there, his mess y hair flopping in his eyes.  
"Hi there," the nurse started.

Link was too miserable to respond. This could not be his home! He wanted to go back and be with his friend, Zelda.

The nurse gently touched the back of Link's head. Link flinched a little.

"Are you okay?" the nurse asked.

Link turned around and looked up with his big, beautiful, blue eyes.

"My, you're handsome," the nurse commented.

Link pulled his foot up to chew his toenails.

"Don't do that," said the nurse calmly.

_Crunch! Snap!_ Link chewed anyway.

"Yucky," said the nurse pulling Link's big, hairy foot away.

Link cried in protest and smacked at the nurse.

"No, no, don't hit," she said. She then stepped back and waited for Link to react. Link was now sitting up with an expectant look on his face.

"Are you bored?" the nurse asked.

Link tilted his head down and let it hang floppily.

"Aww... you miss your friend, don't you?" the nurse asked.

"Mmm hmmm," Link whimpered.

"Maybe we can call her to say hi," said the nurse.

Link lifted his head.

"You just be a good boy, and I'll get the phone, okay?" the nurse asked.

Link swung over the side of the bed, the expression on his face assuming all intentions to escape.

"Just stay in here for now," said the nurse. She pushed Link back in and slid the rail back up.

"No like," said Link.


	10. Zelda on the toilet

"Hello?" asked Zelda, very irritated. She was on the toilet when she got the call.

"Is this a bad time right now?" asked the nurse who had called her.

"Yes, it is a very bad time!" said Zelda.

"But Link wants to say hi!" whined the nurse.

"Wait for me to get off of the potty," said Zelda.

The nurse turned to Link. "Zelda's on the potty right now, so we'll have to wait," she said sympathetically.

"I heard that!" said Zelda, getting off of the toilet.

"Are you wearing a dress?" the nurse asked.

"Yes," said Zelda.

"Are you wearing bloomers?" the nurse asked.

"Possibly," said Zelda.

"Are you wearing underwear?" the nurse asked.

"You think I wouldn't?" Zelda asked.

"Did you pull up your undies yet?" the nurse asked.

"You're disgusting," said Zelda.

Link grabbed the phone and started breathing heavily into it.

"Link, is that you?" Zelda asked, flushing the toilet.

"Yeh," Link said hoarsely.

"You're gross," she said.

"Link no like?" Link asked.

"I'll send something in for you tomorrow," said Zelda.

"Wha?" Link asked hoarsely.

Zelda stopped talking to see if Link would react.

"Ah, no," said Link, hanging up on Zelda.

"Well, you hung up," said the nurse. "Not nice, baby!"

"No like," said Link.

The nurse unplugged the wall phone and threw it onto Link. Then, she slammed the door and stomped out of the room.

Link burst out crying and flailing.

An attendant looked up at the security camera. "Whatever is going on?" He ran to rescue Link.

"How did the phone get on you?" he asked Link.

"Link no know," Link liked. "Gotta pee?"

"You gotta pee?" asked the attendant.

"Yeah! Link gotta pee now!" Link whined.

"I'll go get the potty," said the attendant.

"Link no like. Link go pee!" Link pointed to a door to the right.

"You're not going in there. I'm getting the potty!" said the attendant.

"Now!" Link yelled, ramming against the bed rail.

"Okay, fine," said the attendant, pulling the rail down. Link burst out and an out of the room screaming and leaving a mess behind him.

"Oh dear," said the nurse who had thrown the phone. "You throw the phone at a guy and he runs down the hall screaming and peeing."

"Well, nobody likes having phones thrown at them," said the attendant, pushing Link down and handcuffing him.

Link wailed as if being stabbed. "No way, you sick Groose!"

"What is a sick Groose?" the attendant asked.

Groose broke down the front door and walked in. "That would be me," he said. "I'm here to torture Link."

Link screamed harder. It was an ear-shattering, heartbreaking scream.

The attendant got off of Link. Link stopped screaming for a short time, then began whimpering and crying sadly, then hysterically. The attendant undid the handcuffs.

Link pulled himself up and confronted Groose.

"Link no like you," Link proclaimed.

"Well, I don't like you either," said Groose. "Now die!"

"No way," said Link. He stuck his finger in Groose's face. That is a huge insult in the Hylian culture.

"Awww! Stop!" Groose cried.

Link kicked Groose in the shin.

"He was such a sweetheart," said the nurse.

"No like Sick Groooooooooooooose!" Link howled.

The security guards escorted Groose out of the building.


	11. Groose gets very drunk

After Link got placed back in bed, he kept banging his head against the bars.

"He is going to hurt himself," said a nurse.

"But if we put the rails down, he will escape," said another nurse.

"Who cares," said the first nurse, "He can climb anyway!"

A mailman came into the room. "Special Delivery!"

"Eh?" asked Link, looking up.

"Are you Link Rinku?" the mailman asked.

"Yeh," said Link.

"Sign here," said the mailman giving Link a pen. Link seized the pen in his left hand and signed a paper on a clipboard. The mailman gave Link the package.

"Yay," said Link. He tore it opened.

It was an 8 x 11 inch picture of Zelda in a gold frame.

"No like," said Link, throwing it out of the bed.

"No!" A nurse caught it. "Why?! Why would you throw this beautiful picture?"

"No like," Link said.

"It's Zelda! You love her!' said the nurse.

"No," Link insisted.

"Yes! Yes you do!" The nurse shoved the picture in Link's face. "Kiss it and say you're sorry!"

Link sloppily kissed the picture and drooled all over it.

"Ew! You'll damage it!" said the nurse.

Link hugged the picture. "Dehda! Link like!"

"What does Dehda mean?" asked the nurse.

"Delda," said Link. He stabbed the picture with his finger. "Delda!"

"You mean Zelda?" the nurse asked.

"No! Delda!" said Link.

"Learn to talk!" said the nurse.

Link caressed the picture. "Link like Delda!"

"Then don't throw it!" said the nurse.

Link threw it at the nurse's face.

The nurse warped like a hologram and turned into Zelda.

"Link! It's me, Zelda!" she said.

Link climbed over the rails and jumped onto Zelda, knocking her over.

The picture of Zelda floated away and hung itself on the wall.

"Eh?" asked Link, licking Zelda's face. "Link like, Link like, Link like! Liiiiiiiike! Like like!"

"Do you love me?" asked Zelda.

"Yeh," said Link.

"Can you say love?" asked Zelda. Her voice began sounding echoic and far away.

"Link no know," said Link.

Zelda began shaking and twitching.

"Delda?" Link asked.

Zelda shook harder.

"Delda! NO!" said Link. He tried to pick Zelda up. Snap! Zelda disappeared.

Link wailed.

And whilst Link was distracted, the picture on the wall warped and changed to a picture of Gaepora.

Groose climbed in through Link's window.

"Hey, loser, I'm back!" He taunted.

"No way," said Link, pulling his face out of the ground.

"Nobody can keep me from mah boo!" said Groose, approaching Link.

"Oh, no," said Link. "No like!"

Groose picked Link up by his shirt collar. "You _will _like me. Mark my words, boy!"

Link slapped Groose's vomit-colored lips.

"Do not smack my lips. They will soon be planting kisses on your lovely face," said Groose. "Now, you pathetic loser, get the heck away from me!"

"Groose sick," mumbled Link.

"Who are you calling sick? You're the one stuck in a mental institution!" said Groose.

"Yeah… no," said Link.

"Mark my words, Rinku… you will like me. Maybe even love me!" Groose jeered.

Link kicked Groose and shook free. "No like you!" he howled.

"That doesn't matter. I'm here to give you a life-or-death offer," said Groose. "Love me or die! You don't want to die, do you?"

Completely detached from Groose, Link felt no threat; however he could feel his hair standing on end.

A nurse came in to see what all the commotion was.

"You again!" she said, pointing to Groose. "Don't you have better things to do?"

"I got no friends," Groose whined, "I was trying to make friends with Link here."

"This is not the place to make friends," said the nurse. "Go home. You're drunk."

"Drunk? No!" said Groose, blowing his stinky breath in the nurse's face. "I'm only 20!"

"You could be underage drinking," said the nurse, holding her nose.

"No! Groose is kind and pure," Groose lied.

"Nah," said Link, getting undressed for no particular reason.

"Link Rinku! Put your clothes back on!" the nurse scolded. "Do not entice Groose's wicked motives!"

"Eh?" asked Link, putting his pants back on.

"He wants you," said the nurse. "He needs to be arrested. He's trying to humiliate you."

"No way," said Link. "Groose no sick. Link sick!"

"Yeah!" said Groose. "I only want to be Link's friend!"

"No way," said Link.

"Link is saying no. Back off!" said the nurse.

"I have purse candy," Groose coaxed Link. "Yummy yummy in the tummy."

"Aaahhhhh," said Link, rubbing his palms in anticipation.

"No! It's tainted!" said the nurse.

"No," said Link, shoving his hand in Groose's purse and pulling out sugar cubes.

"Mmmm… mmmm…" said Link, chewing on the sugar cubes.

"Spit them out! Don't partake from the drunk bully's purse!" said the nurse, patting Link's back.

Link did a couple pirouettes and collapsed on the floor.

"Hah! He's out! Now I can drag him away!" said Groose.

"No! Don't take my baby!" said the nurse, pushing Groose down.

Just then, the police burst in.

"Where is sick Groose?!" They demanded.

The nurse pointed to Sick Groose while rocking Link.

The police handcuffed Link and drove away with him.

Gaepora poked his face through the window. "You saved me!" he said.

"When will people stop coming through the window?!" screamed the nurse.

Zelda 2 tapped the nurse's back. "It is the dark magic of the Groose Mask," she said.


	12. Let's destroy the Groose Mask

The nurse turned and clutched Zelda 2. "What is the Groose mask?" she gasped.

"Groose has no soul," said Zelda2.

"Well, duh! But what does that have to it?" asked the nurse.

Zelda 2 did not answer.

"The Groose mask… it must be destroyed," she said. "It is the bane of the Hylian life. Once it is gone, there will not be so many tragedies."

"But why is it a _Groose _mask?" asked the nurse. "I know he's a meanie, but surely he isn't evil…"

"He was trying to kill Link. You say that's not evil?" asked Zelda 2.

"You have a point," said the nurse. "But where is the Groose mask?"

Gwonam flew in through the window.

"Grandpa!" said Zelda.

Gwonam pulled out a scroll. "It says here that only **Link **can **destroy **the **Groose Mask," **he said.

"Okay, then Rinku has a mission!" said Zelda 2. "Uppie, uppie, sleepy baby!" She nudged Link's head with her toe. Link stirred and woke up.

"Huh?" asked Link 2, climbing in through the window. "What happened to me?"

"There's another Link?" asked the nurse. "And somebody please shut the window because people keep coming through."

"I won!" said Link 2, punching himself in the chest.

"Go home," said Zelda 2.

"Awww man," said Link 2. He got on Gwonam's magic carpet and Gwonam escorted him out of the building.

"I wonder what's for dinner?" Zelda 2 asked.

Link shrugged and got up. There was a hole on the shoulder part of his sleeve.

Zelda 2 gasped. "Eeeeee!" she squealed. "I love your shoulder!" She ran over to kiss Link's shoulder.

"Nobody kisses my baby!" said Zelda, coming in through the door.

"Huh?" asked Zelda 2.

"Go away, Ghirahim!" Zelda demanded.

"How could you even call a prophet of Hylia that terrible name?" shrieked Zelda 2.

Zelda hissed and jumped to attack Zelda 2. Zelda 2 disappeared and reappeared next to Link's bed.

Zelda got up in outrage. "If you're not Ghirahim, then why do you do that?" she asked.

"Dunno. I was born this way," said Zelda 2.

Link began breakdancing.

"Enough," said Zelda 2. "I wonder what's for dinner."

"Ask Hylia. Maybe she'll tell you," taunted Zelda.

Zelda 2 flicked out her tongue and whipped Zelda with it.

"Yep. Definitely Ghirahim,'' said Zelda.

"Whatevs," said Zelda 2, mounting a pillar that suddenly appeared in the middle of the room."Find and destroy the Groose mask!"

The pillar took off like a rocket and burst through the ceiling.

The nurse cursed very loudly.

"I'm not paying for that!" she added.

Link took out his wallet.

"Put it back," Zelda said gently.

Link moaned in disappointment and put the wallet back.

"No Sick Groose?" asked Zelda.

"I've taken care of him," lied Zelda.

Link hugged Zelda and his sleeve fell off.

Zelda took the sleeve and whipped Link with it.

"This is expensive fabric!" she screamed.

Link wailed.

Zelda shook her head in disappointment. "Now, we have to go destroy the Groose mask," she said.

"I just wonder what Ganon's up to!" said Link.

"Link, did you just talk? And who's Ganon?" Zelda asked.

"No," said Link. He pointed a hole in the ceiling. Link 2, AKA Talking Link was looking through.

"Come on! No Sick Groose!" Link urged Zelda, climbing up the pillar.

Zelda followed, not knowing what to expect.


	13. I can't think of a chapter name

Once the two got up onto the roof, Link and Zelda stared at Talking Link.

"Who are you?" asked Zelda. Link tried to touch Talking Link's face.

"I am Link, the official protector, lover and squeezer of the princess," said Talking Link.

"Woah, woah, woah, you're not Link! This is Link!" said Zelda, squeezing Link's shoulder.

"Maybe we're both Link," said Talking Link.

"And what princess are you talking about?" asked Zelda.

"Princess Zelda," said Talking Link.

"What? I'm Zelda!" said Zelda.

"Die," said Talking Link.

"Why?" asked Zelda.

"Impostor!" said Talking Link.

"I am not. I'm just a girl named Zelda," said Zelda.

"Is your father the king?" asked Talking Link,

"The king of what?" Zelda asked.

Gaepora makes a guest appearance. He climbs up the pillar and onto the roof.

"Doy, doy, doy, mah doy, I'm the king of doy!"

"Doy? This is Hyrule!" said Talking Link.

"Yes, we've heard," said Zelda.

"Yes, doy, mah doy!" said Gaepora. "I'm Zelda's father!"

"You're old enough to be her grandpa," mumbled Talking Link.

"I'M 65!" said Gaepora. "I was 40 when I built the Knight Academy! And I became a father at age 48! Then, Zelda's mom DIED after Zelda was born and we all lived happily ever after!"

Talking Link and Link clapped.

"What?" asked Zelda in a raspy voice.

"Yes! Yes! Bring her flowers!" giggled Gaepora.

"Bring who flowers?" asked Zelda.

"My mom!" said Talking Link.

"Who is your mom anyway?" asked Zelda.

"None of your business," said Talking Link.

"Then shut up!" said Zelda, pushing Talking Link.

"If he falls off of the roof, he'll die, you doy-head!" Gaepora scolded Zelda.

"So what? I hate him!" said Zelda.

Talking Link claw-shot back onto the pillar. "Ha, ha, can't kill a guy with weapons!" he teased.

"Daddy, can I sit in your lap?" asked Zelda.

Also, Gaepora is still fat.

"Now is not a good time," said Gaepora.

"Why?!" shrieked Zelda.

"I have to pee," said Gaepora.

Zelda's face shriveled up.

"I need to peeeeee!" wailed Gaepora.

"Hold it in, fatso!" said Zelda. "Right now, we have a mission. That mission is to find and destroy the Groose Mask."

"The what?" asked Talking Link.

"I think Zelda 2 assembled us as a team to do this together!" said Zelda.

"Us? Who's that?" asked Talking Link. 

"You, me, Link, and my father!" said Zelda.

"That won't work," said Gaepora. "I'm not working with that little brat!"

"Oh, you mean him?" Zelda asked, pointing to Talking Link.

"No," said Gaepora.

"Him?" asked Zelda, pointing to Link.

"No," said Gaepora.

"What?" asked Zelda. She fell over and screamed.

"Leave her out," said Talking Link.

"At least _Link _likes me," said Zelda.

"No I don't," said Talking Link,

"Link like Delda!" said Link.

"Thanks, Link," said Zelda. "Now, go get that impostor!"

Link got up and shoved his sword in Talking Link's face. Purple diamonds appeared and a beeping noise was heard.

"Oh, Link, you forgot to turn your dowsing off!" said Zelda.

Link grinned embarrassedly and scuffed his boots against the roof.

"What is dowsing for?" Talking Link asked.

"None of your business," said Zelda.

"Man, is she rude," said Talking Link.

"I'm not! You are!" said Zelda. "Let's go, Rinku!" She grabbed Link's hand and pulled him off of the roof.

"Did you think about how you would land?" Gaepora called down in concern.

"Er…no?" said Zelda uncertainly.

Zelda landed on top of Link.

"Oof," said Zelda. She then quickly got off of Link.

Link also got up.

"Link like!" he squealed, putting his arms out to give Zelda a hug. "No hugs, Rinku," said Zelda.

Link looked about to cry.

"We can spare no time. Find and destroy the Groose Mask!" said Zelda.

Link took out his sword and made stabbing motions. Meanwhile, Karane was walking by. Link was not watching and… (gasp) he stabbed Karane in the arm!

Karane shrieked and fell over and then curled up in a ball. "You horror! How could you have done this?"

Link covered his mouth. "Oh, no…" he mumbled.

Zelda stared at Link in disbelief.

"How could you do this? Why did you stab her?" Zelda asked.

"I'm sowwy," said Link.

"You should never ever play with swords!" said Zelda.

Link hung his head.

"Karane, are you alright?" Zelda asked nervously approaching her friend.

"I don't know… he really hurt me," gasped Karane. "Also, I'm pregnant."

"What?"said Zelda.

"Yeah, yeah, moving on… anyway, I've been stabbed! Help me!" Karane cried.

Zelda called 911.

Karane smirked like a troll. "I was lying about being pregnant," she said.

"But you're still hurt!" said Zelda. "And after you've scrubbed all the floors in Hyrule, then we can talk about how you almost gave me a heart attack!

"I'm sowwy," said Karane.

Zelda escorted Karane away. "You're fine," she said. "All you need is a band-aid."


	14. Find and Destroy the Groose Mask

After Karane got her band-aid, it was clear that she was exaggerating.

"See? All the blood's gone now," said Zelda.

"But it still hurts!" sobbed Karane.

"Drama queen," said Zelda. "Will a hug make it better?"

"No! I don't want that!" yelled Karane, frowning. Then her frown changed to a smile. "Give me the butter."

Zelda pulled a stick of butter out of her purse. Karane grabbed it and rubbed it on her bandaged arm.

"Better now?" Zelda asked.

"No!" said Karane. "Give me the salt."

Zelda took a saltshaker out of her purse and handed it to Karane.

"No, you moron!" said Karane. "I want you to sprinkle it onto my hand!"

"No! I don't want that!" said Zelda. She sprinkled the salt over Karane's head.

"Hey! Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu use me, ZELDA!" retorted Karane.

Zelda shoved Karane down a hill.

"Hey, give a lady some respect!" Karane yelled. "I'm pregnant!"

"You said you were lying," said Zelda. "So what is it? Are you, or aren't you?"

"I changed my mind! I am!" said Karane.

"Changed your mind? That's not really something you can control…" said Zelda.

"Shut up!" said Karane, getting up and trying to dust the grass stains off her jerkin. "Now there are grass stains on my jerkin because of you!"

"So what? Your jerkin is green anyway!" said Zelda.

"Not green! That's for amateurs, like Link. My jerkin is olive-colored!" Karane said.

Link cried.

"Man, you are very moody," said Zelda.

"I can be if I want to!" said Karane. "Now, get out of my personal space!"

Zelda stepped back a little.

"More, before I rip this jerkin off and throw it at you!" snapped Karane.

"I'd like to see that happen!" said Zelda.

"Fine!" said Karane. She started to take off her jerkin.

"Oh my gosh, you're really going to?" Zelda asked.

"You asked for it!" said Karane.

"Are you wearing a bra?" asked Zelda.

"None of your business, good sir!" said Karane in a fake British accent.

"She's high," Talking Link whispered into Zelda's ear.

"Duh!" said Zelda.

Just then, Pipit dropped out of the sky.

"What did I miss?" he asked.

"You haven't missed Karane being dysfunctional!"screamed Zelda.

Karane finished unfastening her jerkin and threw it at Zelda. Whap! It hit Zelda in da face!

"Ow," said Zelda.

"Ha, now I' m topless! What can you do about it?" Karane taunted.

"Karane! Put your jerkin back on!" scolded Pipit.

"Not even my mama can make me!" Karane taunted.

Just then, Ms. Raven walked over.

"Karane, put your jerkin back on now!" she scolded.

"Why should I mommy dearest?" Karane cooed.

"You need to cover your body," said Ms. Raven.

"No I don't fool!" snapped Karane.

Ms. Raven tackled Karane.

"Hey! You're squishing me!" said Karane.

"I don't give a fart if I'm squishing you!" Ms. Raven yelled. She then dragged Karane facedown across the field.

"I'll be back in tennnnn minutessssss," Ms. Raven said.

"You're not needed!" Zelda said. Then she turned to her dad and the two Links.

"So, what to do now?" she asked.

"Find and destroy the Groose mask!" said Gaepora and Talking Link in unison.

"No sick Groose!" said Link.

"Okay, so first I think we should split up and look in different locations," said Zelda. "Where's a good place to look for a mask?"

"The marketplace?"asked Gaepora.

"Send Link to the marketplace!" said Zelda.

"Hey, I suggested it," whined Gaepora.

"So what? Link will go, not you," said Zelda. "You will utilize your knowledge of history and culture."

"What's that going to do?" whined Gaepora.

"Whining, whining, whining," said Zelda. "Will you ever stop?!"

"Not in your dreams," whined Gaepora. "Besides, I don't know that much information."

"Deal with it!" said Zelda.

"Wow, she's going commander on us," said Talking Link.

"I won!" said Link.

"I know how to conduct myself when necessary," said Zelda. "After all, I was born and raised at the Knight Academy!"

"I miss that place," whined Gaepora.

"Why do you keep whining?" Zelda asked.

"Because I still have to pee," said Gaepora.

"Go behind a bush for Hylia's sake!" Zelda cried. "Now, Talking Link, help Link find the Groose Mask. Report any signs back to me and my father."

"I'm the king of doy, and I'm wearing a dress!" said Gaepora.

"Silence!" said Zelda.

"Fine, be a jerk like that," said Gaepora.

"Execute him!" said Zelda.

"Now that's my kind of girl!" said Talking Link. "You remind me of the princess!"

"Princess Zelda?" asked Zelda.

"Yep," said Talking Link. "It's fate, though. Of course one Zelda would be as pretty as the other."

"You're ugly," said Zelda.

"Hey, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Zelda!" retorted Talking Link, bowing. "I was born this way!"

"Take it somewhere else, I've heard those kind of excuses!" said Zelda.

"I'll just take the less-fortunate form of me to the market without you!" said Talking Link.

"That's what I told you to do tennnn minutessss ago!" said Zelda.

"Whatevs," said Talking Link, guiding Link away.

Talking Link and Link made their way to the market, which has the same music as the town on Ocarina of Time that you pass on your way to the castle. The music was playing out of speaker rocks.

"Aaaahhh…" said Link. He hadn't really gone out into the community much before. The music really pleased him. Link loved music. It always helped him feel good. Zelda played her harp for him to help him sleep, and to make him feel better when he was sick. Any music Link heard perked him up.

"You like that?" asked Talking Link.

"Yeh," said Link hoarsely.

"Masks! Masks! Masks for sale!" called a salesman.

"Oh, look, a mask salesman!" said Talking Link. "Let's go!" He pulled Link over. Link was frozen, listening to the beautiful music.

"Would you like to buy a mask?" asked the salesman, who was _**NOT**_ the happy mask salesman from Majora's Mask. He actually didn't even look very happy**. I don't even have Majora's Mask…**

"Do you have a Groose Mask?" asked Talking Link.

"A _what _mask now?" asked the salesman.

"A Groose mask! Duh!" said Talking Link.

"Ummm… I can make a mask of anything, but I don't know what a Groose is," said the salesman.

"He's a big mean bully!" said Talking Link.

Link took a heart-shaped locket out from under his shirt that was rather large for a locket and opened it. Inside was a picture of Groose.

Don't even_ ask_ why Link would have a heart-shaped locket with a picture of Groose inside.

"Nope, I have never seen such a face in my life," said the salesman. "Would you like me to make one?"

"No way!" said Link.

"If you do that, there will be two Groose Masks. We must find and destroy the Groose Mask," said Talking Link.

"Why not just destroy Groose instead?" asked the salesman.

"Because that would be murder," said Talking Link.

"Your problem, not mine," said the salesman.


	15. Karane is still crazy

Talking Link escorted Link out of the marketplace.

"Well that creep was no help," he scoffed.

"Yeh," said Link hoarsely, eating some popcorn he bought from the market. Who knows when he got the chance to do that.

"Hey, less-mentally-developed version of me, can I have some of the popcorn?" Talking Link asked Link.

"No," said Link.

"Why not?" Talking Link asked.

Link just gave Talking Link a look.

Just then, Karane ran over, huffing and panting.

"Am I too late? I heard that this market has amazing popcorn!" said Karane, between gasps. "I must have some!"

Link tried to hide his popcorn but Karane saw it.

"Oooh, popcorn!" Karane squealed. She stuck her hand in Link's bucket and stole some of his popcorn and then ran away.

Link cried. "No!" he said. Then, he turned the bucket upside down and dumped the rest of the popcorn on the ground.

"Hey! You could have shared it with me!" said Talking Link.

"No way," said Link.

Then, he realized that he had dumped all of his popcorn and began crying hysterically.

"What is taking those two dimwits so long to come back with evidence of the Groose Mask?" Zelda asked.

A long time later, Talking Link dragged in a crying Link.

"No sign of the Groose Mask," he said.

"We must search all of Hyrule!" said Zelda. "Where else can we look?"

"Maybe we should go ask a fortune teller?" Gaepora suggested.

"Grrrrrrreatt!" rumbled Zelda.

"I'll do it!" said Gaepora.

Link slapped Gaepora's face. "No way!" he complained.

Just then, Karane ran and climbed up the pillar.

"Hey guys, stupid Cawlin tried to ask me on a date!" she said, out of breath again.

Cawlin, one of Groose's friends, climbed up too.

"She said no because I'm too chubby!" Cawlin whined.

"I'm also married," said Karane. "And I have kids!"

"You do not," said Cawlin "How could you have kids when you just got married? You don't even know where babies come from!"

"Just kidding!" said Karane. "But if I do have kids, I want them to all be as handsome as Pipit and as beautiful as me!"

"You're both ugly! And you're fat!" said Cawlin.

"No, I'm just wearing many jerkins stacked on top of each other!" said Karane. She kept lifting up many layers of jerkins.

"Why would you wear that many jerkins, idiot?" sneered Cawlin.

"Link is actually an idiot," said Karane. "Studies show his IQ is only half as much as the average!"

"No way!" said Link, shocked at this statement.

"Yes way," said Karane. "When I was at the doctor's office earlier, I hacked into their confidential files and checked on yours!"

"Why were you at the doctor's office?" Pipit asked, climbing up the pillar.

"For a check-up! Also, I'm pregnant!" said Karane.

"You are not!" said Pipit. "Unless you're cheating on me!"

Karane kicked Pipit over.

"I hate you! I'm divorcing you and marrying Link!" said Karane.

"Eh?" asked Link hoarsely.

"Give me a kiss, lovely!" said Karane.

"But I want to stay married to you!" said Pipit.

"Link and I will raise many beautiful children!" said Karane.

"No way!" said Link.

"Karane, snap out of it!" said Gaepora. "You cannot marry my adopted son!"

"Yes I can! Karane can do anything! She's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!" Karane asked.

"Karane, do we need to get your blood tested?" Gaepora asked,

"Go ahead! I'll roll up my sleeves!" Karane screeched.

"Maybe she should get checked into this institution," mumbled Pipit, getting up.

"No! Spare me my life, darling!" said Karane.

"Darling? Your life?" asked Pipit.

"Do not question the almighty Karane, the very princess of this fair land!" said Karane.

"Guards, get her!" someone called in a Hylian accent.

It was the other Zelda! The princess of Hyrule!"

The security guards from the institution came up and tied Karane to a luggage cart, then carted her away.

"Untie me before I pee on you!" said Karane.

"You'd better not!" said one of the security guards. They didn't even notice that Link was on their roof.

"I gotta pee!" said Karane.

"No!" said the other security guard.

"I really gotta go!" said Karane.

"We will take your pee from you!" said a third security guard running in.

"How?" asked Karane.

"We will suction it from your body!" said the third guard.

"What?" said Karane.

The first two guards began unstrapping Karane in front of the restroom.

"Make it snappy," the first guard groaned.

Karane dashed in. One of the guards followed her in and handed her a ceramic tea cup.

"Pee in the tea cup!" he said.

"Ew. Why?" Karane asked.

"Because I said so!" said the guard.

"Why is everything so colorful and twisted?" Karane asked.

"Silence!" yelled the guard.


	16. What what, what, what What What what wha

Karane gave the full tea cup back to the guard.

"I got it nice and wet!" she snickered.

"Enough! My ship sails in the morning!" said the second guard.

"Your head is big for your body!" giggled Karane. "Wait, now there's two heads! Two!" She held up 2 fingers and then continued giggling.

"We're going to have to put her in a small, dark, room," said the third guard.

"Ditto," said the first guard.

"I hate small, dark, rooms," whined Karane.

"So do I," said the first guard. "But you're too crazy to release into the big, open, world, little birdy."

"What is a little birdy? Birds are big enough to ride on!" said Karane.

"She must be one of the cuckoos from Skyloft," said the second guard.

"Yes, yes, Skyloft," said Karane.

Suddenly, a female security guard rushed up to Karane and the other guards.

"I just checked Rinku's room and he's….he's gone!" she said.

"He's on the roof," said Karane, doing the cuckoo sign.

"Okay. Is that what the pillar in the middle of his room leads to?" asked the other security guard.

"Don't ever stop believing in your dreams!" sang Karane out of nowhere.

"Silence, lady!" said a random librarian visiting her mentally ill relative. She had on a T-shirt that said, "Yes, I'm a librarian".

"No way!" said Karane. "I'm testing the new game I'm about to release. It's called Karaoke with Karane!"

"I will never play that game," said the librarian.

"Time to test the next song," said Karane. "It's called 'Link's parents are actually dead and he isn't planning on becoming a knight; he was just at the Knight Academy to be taken care of by the fat old creepy man!"

"Sounds awful," said the librarian.

"I'm wearing many jerkins," said Karane. "Want one?"

"No thanks, I'm not the jerkin type," said the librarian.

"Look under J for jerkin in your file cabinet!" said Karane.

The library tried to walk away as quickly as possible.

"Wait! Come back! I'm lonelyyyyyyyy!" howled Karane.

Just then, the air vent slid open and Link fell through, landing on Karane.

"I don't want to be in an institution again…" said Karane.

"Hi!" said Link, getting up in Karane's face.

"Hi, sweetie," said Karane. "Get the heck off of me!"

"No way," said Link, putting his hands on Karane's face and staring intently. Then, he blew his stinky breath in her face.

"Ew, stop!" Karane cried. "Stop!"

She began screaming and flailing until Link fell off of her and landed on the floor

Link got up, took a mint leaf out of his purse, chewed it into a pulp, gargled the pulp and then leaned over Karane, spitting it into her eye.

Karane screamed in horror. "AAAAAHHHH! That's so sick! I can't believe you!" she complained.

Link giggled and snorted. "Aaaahhhaaahaaa"

A nurse came in the room.

"Who is harassing that poor child?" she asked.

Link raised his hand.

"Hey! I'm not a child! I'm nineteen!" said Karane.

"Nineteen? Do you still live with your mama?" asked the nurse.

"No! I'll be a mama soon!" said Karane.

"What?" asked the nurse.

Link pointed to himself.

"Are you responsible for this catastrophe?" the nurse asked.

"No way," said Link. He took out his heart-shaped locket and inside was a picture of Pipit.

"That's my husband!" squealed Karane.

"Why does this boy have a picture of your husband in his locket?" asked the nurse.

"That's my ex-boyfriend," said Karane.

"I am Link," said Link, sticking out his hand for a handshake.

"Link, huh?" asked the nurse. "You seem like a valuable young man."

"Yeh!" said Link hoarsely, opening his wallet.

"You want me to put some rupees in there for you?" the nurse cooed.

"Yeh!" said Link.

The nurse took out her own wallet, which was completely empty.

"No way!" said Link. He jumped back and landed on top of Karane.

"Link like!" he purred, staring her in the eyes.

"Not again," said Karane.

Link kissed her stupid-looking forehead. Karane had a big forehead. Who knows why.  
"He's harassing meeeeeeeeee!" Karane squealed.

"Get off of her," said the nurse.

"I came here for my baby!" squealed Ms. Raven, coming in the room.

"It sure is dark in here," she said. "Let me flip the lights."

Ms. Raven turned the lights on.

"Oh, Link, what a pleasant surprise!" she said.

Link waved hi.

"I'm here to see my precious daughter!" said Ms. Raven. "Let's get out of her, Karane!"

"Woah, woah, woah! You can't just take her!" said the nurse.

"Yes I can!" said Ms. Raven. "I am her mommy!"

"So what? Karane is very sick!" said the nurse.

"No I'm not!" said Karane, then threw up over the side of the bed.


	17. Nothing makes sense

"Then why did you just vomit?" asked Ms. Raven.

"Link told me to," said Karane.

"You can never trust a Rinku," said Ms. Raven.

Link rubbed his hands together.

"Those… were down his pants," said Karane.

"Nuh-uh!" said Link.

"Uh huh!" said Karane.

Link stuck his tongue out at Karane.

"Oh please! You think that would insult me? After you spit chewed mint leaves into my eye?" Karane asked.

"Okay, take her home!" said the nurse. "I think Rinku deserves this bed more than she does!" 

"What?" asked Karane as her mom dragged her away facedown for the second time that day.

Link climbed into the bed and began pulling his boots off.

"Getting comfy, eh, Luigi?" asked the nurse.

"No! Link!" said Link, pointing to himself.

Link had holes in his socks. He pulled his socks off and revealed two large, hairy feet with thick, gunky toenails.

"Oh, you need a pedicure!" said the nurse. She opened her purse and took out a pedicure set.

Then she got to work cleaning and moisturizing Link's feet. His feet were very dry.

Then, she cleaned, filed and polished his toenails.

"There, baby, all better!" she said.

Link wiggled his toes, and then unzipped his pants.

"What now?" the nurse asked.

"Pee," said Link.

"Get out!" said the nurse.

Link got up and ran away.

Link then bumped into Zelda.

"Hi, Link," said Zelda. "I've got a plan!"

"Eh?" asked Link.

"You are not allowed to search for the Groose mask," said Zelda. "And I found you a new schooooooool!"

"Why?" asked Link.

"You need somewhere to stay. This is your only chance to succeed," said Zelda.

Link put his hands back into his pants.

"Ew! Stop!" said Zelda.

Link took his hands back out and wiped his pants legs, then grabbed for Zelda's face.

"Link, stop! This isn't funny!" Zelda backed up.

Link frowned. Why was Zelda avoiding him all of a sudden?

"You're so nasty!" shot Zelda. "Don't touch me!"

Link went into the boys' bathroom and washed his hands with the sink, then came out to find Zelda.

"Did you wash your hands?" asked Zelda.

"Yeh," said Link hoarsely. Then, he reached for her face again.

"Please don't touch my face," said Zelda.

"Wanna," said Link.

"No!" said Zelda.

Link hugged Zelda.

"Get off of me, creep!" said Zelda.

Link let go and walked out of the institution.

"Where will we rest our heads tonight?" asked Zelda, looking up at the glimmering sky.

Link put his arm around Zelda's back.

"I'll go ask the institution if they'll lend us some blankets," said Zelda.

"?" said Link.

Later, Zelda and Link were lying on a hill top, bundled in cheap blankets, looking at the starry night sky.

Just then, a shooting star flew by.

"Make a wish!" said Zelda.

Link closed his eyes and made a wish.

The next day, Link woke up to Zelda shaking him.

"Wake up, Rinku! It's time to go to your new school!" she was saying.

Link groaned and rubbed his usually baby-smooth face, which was starting to sprout some stubble.

"And make sure to shave!" Zelda yelled, throwing a shaving kit at Link.

Link looked at the shaving kit. He'd never needed to shave before.

"Let's go!" Zelda demanded impatiently. She took Link to the bus stop.

"The bus will pick you up," said Zelda.

The bus actually was just a horse-pulled carriage.

Zelda then stood with Link to make sure he didn't run away.

"You'll like it," she said. "This school was made for kids just like you."

"Eh?" asked Link, tilting his head.

"They're more experienced at working with special kids," said Zelda.

_Me? Special? _Link signed.

"You're eSPECIALly beautiful," said Zelda.

"Eh?" asked Link. _Beauty school?_

"You're so sweet," said Zelda. "Not anyone is like you."

"Yeah!" said Link, jumping out from behind a bush and landing in the street.

Just then, the Hylian school bus barreled into Link, pushing him away.

"Oh, no!" said Link, getting up and dusting his pants.

"Yes!" said Zelda.

Link stepped onto the carriage and sat down next to the girl who looked like Zelda. That was the same girl he had scared earlier on.

"Creep," said the girl, and changed her seat.

Link cried out and put his hands up.

"Strap yourself in," said the driver.

Link buckled his seat belt.

"All good?" the driver asked.

"Yeh," said Link hoarsely.

The bus then sped away before Zelda could wave good-bye.


	18. Link's brain stops working

When Link got to the school, he looked at the sign outside:

_Education Center for Exceptional Hylians_

_ECEH, _Link thought in his little head.

"Hey! Are you lost?" asked the girl who looked like Zelda, coming up to Link.

"Oh yeah!" said Link.

"Well, the door to the building _is right in front of you!_" said the girl. "So get going, or you'll be late!" She then ran into the building.

Link however, just stood in the front of the sign, staring. Then, he finally, slowly but not surely, headed inside.

The first thing that scared Link was that there were a lot more "Exceptional Hylians" than he thought existed. Then, he wondered what defined a Hylian as exceptional. Was he really exceptional?

Link just stood amidst the crowd of people. Then, the girl who looked like Zelda approached him again.

"Get going!" she said. "You do _not _want to be late."

Link did not know where to go.

Just then, Link heard his name called over the loudspeaker.

"Link Rinku, please report to the principal's office! Link Rinku to the principal's office."

"Eh?" Link asked. Was he in trouble for being late? And where was the principal's office anyway?

Just then, he turned and saw a big arrow-shaped sign on the wall that read: "Principal's Office"

Link nervously headed in the direction of the office, which for some reason had double doors. Who knows why. The doors looked just like Gaepora's office doors. Link knocked.

"Come in!" sang the man behind the doors, a little too cheerful.

Link barged in, noticed a pot on the desk and instantly threw it.

The pot hit the back wall, shattering.

The principal was Gaepora.  
Link was so shocked that he peed his pants and made a puddle on the floor.

"Rinku," said Gaepora.

"Eh?" asked Link hoarsely.

"Do not pee on the floor," said Gaepora.

"No way!" said Link

"Link, you aren't in trouble. I just forgot to give you your class schedule," Gaepora said calmly.

Link accepted the schedule and held it skyward in his left hand.

_**Dun dun dun dun! You got the class schedule! Use it to help you find your way around!**_

"No drama, Rinku!" said Gaepora. "Head to class now. Oh, and here's your late pass."

Link went to the first class, which was math with some teacher named Ms. Finch.

"Oh, look, there is the Rinku!" said Ms. Finch. "Go sit down."

Link sat down nervously in the first empty chair he saw.

"Are you a girl or a boy?" asked a student.

Link struck the back of their head.

"Do not hit others!" said Ms. Finch, tapping Link's head with a ruler.

Link cried and started flailing.

"Calm down, my babe," said the teacher. "I'm not here to hurt you."

"Oh," said Link. "Link like you!"

"Good," said Ms. Finch. "Now I will give you an easy worksheet to warm you brain up."

Link took a very long time to answer the first easy question. He knew he could, but his brain just wasn't processing it.

(1): 3 x 3

Link's face wrinkled up. He could not remember.

"Idiot, how can you not know?" said a kid behind Link.

Link covered his ears.

"Do you need help, Link?" Ms. Finch asked.

"Yeh," Link said hoarsely.

"Okay," said the teacher, giving Link a laminated times-table chart. "This can help you."

Link began chewing on the edge of it, which already had chew marks from who knows.

"Gross! No!" said Ms. Finch

"He is a dud," said the kid who had insulted Link earlier.

"Aren't we all," said Ms. Finch.

Link suddenly tensed up and dropped the card onto his desk. He looked off into a random corner and began chewing nothing. Then his head went slack and he began drooling all over the card.

"Oh no! Are you okay?" asked the teacher, running over and shaking Link's head.

Link got so floppy that he fell out of his seat.

Some babyish kid began crying . The mean kids were laughing.

The teacher made everyone leave the room. "I have to check on him," she said.

She ran back into the room and went up to Link, who was lying limply on the floor shivering.

"Are you cold?" she asked, bending over to stroke Link's hair.

Link then stiffened back up as suddenly as the episode had started, got up abruptly, and returned to his desk.

"Are you okay?" Ms. Finch asked.

"Yeh," said Link.

"What was that? It's like your brain stopped working for a minute."

"Yeh," said Link.

"Does that happen often?" the teacher asked.

"No know," said Link.

So Link entirely missed his next class because he was forced into the nurse's office to make sure he was okay.

Of course, the nurse couldn't get anything out of Link. He refused to look her in the eye, kept babbling and making random sounds, wouldn't sit still and tried to play with everything.


	19. P

"Link Rinku, you need to pay attention. This is serious. Your health is concerned," said the school nurse.

"No way!" said Link, standing in the puddle of pee that he just made.

"Link! Did you just pee? Why?" the nurse asked.

"I really gotta go," said Link.

"Why didn't you say that earlier?!" the nurse asked.

"Really gotta pee," said Link.

The nurse escorted Link to the restroom.

"Really gotta go!" said Link, and then ran in.

Link came out a couple minutes later without any pants on.

"Where are your pants?" the nurse asked

"Really gotta go!" said Link.

"Do you say anything else?" the nurse asked.

"Yeah,'" said Link. "Really gotta go!"

"You're hopeless," said the nurse. "Where are your pants?"

Link pointed inside the restroom.

"Do you need new pants?" the nurse asked.

"Oh yeh!" said Link.

"Let's go back and get some," said the nurse.

"Link no like!" Link screamed.

"Why on earth do you have that poor child pantless?" asked Gaepora, walking down the hall.

"He did it!" said the nurse.

"No," said Link sullenly.

"Give him his pants back!" said Gaepora.

"They're peed on," said the nurse,

"So what?" roared Gaepora.

"You're going to make _RINKU _wear peed pants?" the nurse asked. "He is our VIP!"

"Oh, whatever!" said Gaepora. "Just get him to class!"

The nurse took Link back to her office and gave him a new pair of pants. Link farted while putting them on. They were way too tight. Link could barely pull them up.

They looked as tight as Zelda 2's pants, where you could see her butt crack through them.

Link waddled to his next class. The pants were so darn tight!

Link then went and sat down at his desk.

The teacher gaped. "Link Rinku! First day here and already violating the dress code!"

Link grinned embarrassedly and wriggled in his seat.

"Do we need to supply you with new pants?" the teacher asked.

"No way," said Link, putting his feet up on the desk. His pants slid down even further.

"You nasty…." said the teacher, followed by a row of expletives teachers should never say.

Link kicked off his boots and wiggled his toes. He had no socks.

"Aaaahhhh…. Aaaahhhhh…" sighed Link.

The teacher quietly escorted the other students out of the room.

Link then tore his shirt off.

"Aaaaahhhhhhhhh," he sighed, much harder this time.

The teacher watched in horror.

"Link, stop stripping, you nasty boy!" she yelled.

"No way," said Link, getting off of the desk and trying to pull his pants up. They ripped right down the crotch!

The teacher gasped. "That's quite enough! I'm calling your parents!"

"No," said Link, pointing up toward the sky, and the pretending to be dead.

"Your parents are dead?" the teacher asked.

Link nodded sadly.

"Were they killed in the tornado?" the teacher asked, coming in the room.

Link shook his head.

"Do you remember them?" the teacher asked.

Link shook his head.

_They died when I was very young, _he said in sign language.

"You know sign language?" the teacher asked.

"Yes. You?" Link asked.

"Yeah. I know lots of kids who do," said the teacher.

_Back in Skyloft, _Link signed, _Not many people knew._

"Skyloft is a small world," said the teacher.

_Hyrule very big, _signed Link.

"You'll get used to it," said the teacher. "Can you please dress yourself back up now?"

"No way!" screamed Link, and then kicked the desk over.

"Well, what was that for?" the teacher asked, startled.

"Link like Delda! No like you!" screamed Link, standing on the broken desk.

"Who is Delda?" the teacher ask.

"No LIKE!" screamed Link. "You sick Groose! Uhhhhh, uhhhh!"

Link started doing the potty dance.

The teacher started to worry that Link was going psycho. "Are you alright?" she asked.

"No!" said Luigi, coming into the classroom. The teacher kicked Luigi and he disappeared.

Link got down on his hands and knees and started groaning in distress. "No, no, no, no, no!" he moaned,

Meanwhile, the other students had been moved to another class.

Link was now throwing a tantrum for no apparent reason. His screams were irrational yet heartbreaking.

The teacher did not know what to do!


	20. He is issues

Just then, the music teacher stepped in, holding a small harp. "What is all that noise?" she asked. "Our students cannot hear the beautiful music they are trying to play!"

"Music! That's it!" said the teacher. "Play something to calm Link!"

The teacher did not have any songs on mind, so she just began strumming random notes on her harp, making up the song as she went along. It was the same tune as the Legend of Zelda theme song.

Link suddenly sat up, a long strand of drool hanging off of his face.

"Delda?" he asked. He knew that Zelda played the harp. He had never heard anyone else play it before.

Link listened closer. "Delda!" He got up and ran to the music teacher, drooling uncontrollably.

The music teacher stopped playing.

"Link like you!" said Link. He tried to hug the teacher.

"Maybe he can join our class," said the teacher.

"Oh yeah!" said Link.

"Okay, I'll show him the music room," said the music teacher, and escorted Link away.

On the way, Link stopped every time he saw a restroom until the teacher had to yell at him to make him keep walking.

"You better quit those shenanigans!" said the teacher.

"Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee," Link whined slowly every time he took a step in a different direction than that leading to a restroom.

It should be noted that Link was still not fully dressed.

The teacher stopped at a storage room. "Let's get you some new clothes," she said.

"No way!" said Link, topless, shoeless, and wearing tight, ripped pants,

The teacher opened the storage room, when she found a student sitting on a bucket singing about herself.

"What are you doing in there?" the teacher asked. "Get going!"  
The girl got up and ran away.

The teacher searched far and wide to find Link some clothes. It should be noted that at this point, Link was 5' 7" and weighed 155 pounds.

Finally, the teacher handed Link some clothes, which he swiped away,

_No! I don't want that! _Link signed.

"Honey bun, there aren't many clothes for you," said the teacher.

_I want soft clothes,_ signed Link. _Rough clothes irritate me!_

And so Link finished up his school day wearing pajamas.

For homework, although Link currently was crashing at a mental institution, he had to write about a memory in his past life. This is what he wrote:

_My name Link Rinku. I once live wit my parents. They took care of me and loved me. I got whatever I wanted. I never had to leave my home. I wore pajamas all day, every day. I had a comfy bed with rails and lots of toys and coloring books. Until I turned parents started making me stop wearing diapers and then they sent me away to live with a fat old crepe and his beautiful daughter, who is my best friend. Zelda! I miss my mummy and daddy. When they ever come pick up their beautiful child? Wearing day clothes not comfy! Uncle Alfon, too! Rinku cannot be forgotten! That's my life in a nutshell. Also, I want to go back to my life of leisure. Diapers too. Love Link Rinku._

Link then put the paper away.

When the teacher saw the paper, she gave Link a weird look.

"You need to seriously work on your writing skills," she said.

"I know," said Link, peeing on the floor.

"What was that for?" the teacher asked.

"Ummmm…. Link like you?" Link asked.

"Go get the mop and clean that mess up!" said the teacher.

"No way," said Link, leaning on the teacher's desk.

"You brat! Clean it up now!" said the teacher.

"No way!" said Link. Link kept refusing and was given detention.

Gaepora stared creepily at Link for an hour without saying a word. Then, after the hour was up, Gaepora said, "Clean up the mess."

"No," said Link and was given another half hour of detention until he finally agreed to mop up his pee.

By that time, the pee was dried up and crusted onto the floor and the room smelled terrible. Link had to get down on his hands and knees and scrub the disgusting substance off of the floor, while wearing a sign that said:

_**I peed on the floor!**_

In front of a whole class, too. And they stopped to watch him.


	21. Silly

Link shuffled to his next scheduled class.

"Tardy!" yelled the teacher.

Link became very distressed and started whimpering. "Oh, no," he said.

The teacher from the last class walked up behind Link and stuck his sign on his back.

Link jumped a foot in the air.

"Oh no," he said again.

"Sit down, loser!" said the teacher in this class.

"No way!" said Link, leaning against the desk. He then proceeded to rub his body against the desk so inappropriately that the teacher screamed and threw her desk stuff at him.

"Stop it!" she yelled. "Stop!"

Link was now down, covered in school supplies. "Aww," he sighed.

Just then, Gaepora came in.

"Oh my goddess! What have you done to my baby?" Gaepora asked.

"He peed on me!" the teacher lied.

"Link Rinku! Pee goes in the potty! You know that!" said Gaepora.

"Uh-uh," said Link.

Gaepora picked up the pajama-clad boy and boosted him on his shoulder.

The sign fell off of Link's back and got stuck to Gaepora's back.

"Should I call Zelda and tell her how bad you've been?" Gaepora asked.

Link stuck his finger up Gaepora's nose.

"Hey, you!" said Gaepora. "Don't do that!"

"Why not," said Link.

"It's gross," said Gaepora.

Link stroked Gaepora's ugly and useless mustache.

"Link like!" said Link.

"I'm not your Uncle Alfon. Don't stroke my mustache," said Gaepora.

Link stuck his finger in Gaepora's mouth while he was talking.

"Ew! Gross! Stop that!" said Gaepora.

"No way," said Link, reaching up and poking Gaepora's eye.

"Aye aye aye!" said Gaepora, putting Link down. "That's the last straw, you rascal!

"No way!" said Link, and then began hopping.

"Stop!" said Gaepora.

"No way!" said Link.

Gaepora stomped into his office and slammed the door. Then, he called Zelda.

"What do you want?!" Zelda answered.

"Rinku is a very bad boy," said Gaepora.

"Isn't he always," said Zelda.

"Come here and teach him a lesson!" said Gaepora.

"You've got to be kidding me!" said Zelda.

"No, no, kumme," said Gaepora.

"What?!" Zelda asked.

"Come get him…" Gaepora mumbled, suddenly slurring his speech.

"Daddy, are you okay?" Zelda panicked.

Gaepora's mouth dropped.

"Okay, Zelda, please come here right now," he mumbled, and then fell out of his office chair.

Link was in the hallway chewing his toenails.

Zelda soon showed up and went straight toward her dad's office and knocked.

Gaepora mumbled incoherently.

Zelda marched in and glared at her dad on the floor. "Are you serious? What is going on?" she asked,

"Dunno, headache…" mumbled Gaepora.

"Don't exaggerate and speak clearly!" said Zelda.

"No way!" said Link, stomping in and kicking off his boots. "Link like!"

"Link?" Zelda asked.

"Yeh. Link like," said Link.

Zelda glared at Link. "Tell my father to stop being ridiculous!" she said.

"No way," said Link.

Gwonam flew through the window in Gaepora's office.

"Squa-da-la! We shall send him off to Gamelon for treatment!" said Gwonam.

"Treatment? My father is just being foolish!" Zelda said.

"Too… many… potato chips," moaned Gaepora.

"The Groose mask is hurting so many people!" gasped Zelda. "Link, you need to put more effort into finding it!"

Gwonam took Gaepora away on his magic carpet.


	22. Link licked his lips

Link licked his lips, and then flapped his left hand at Zelda.

"Link, be serious!" said Zelda.

"No way," said Link, fidgeting with one of his earrings.

"And why do you have earrings?!" Zelda screamed, even though Link always had earrings. Zelda lunged and tackled Link, ripping his earlobe.

"Aww no," said Link. He was having a really bad day!  
Just then, Gaepora's office phone rang. Zelda picked it up and said in her terrible impersonation of her dad's voice, "Gaepora the explorer. How may I help you?"

"Gaepora the explorer? I was looking for principal Gaepora," said the voice on the other end. It was not a familiar voice.

"That's me, what do you want?" Zelda asked.

"Ummm…. I heard my child is at this school?" the voice asked,

"What's the name?" Zelda asked, leaning on her dad's desk.

"Ummmm," the voice stuttered. "Llll-Link! Link Rinku?"

Zelda gaped and almost fell off of the desk. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes! I know my baby anywhere! I'm his mommy," said the voice.

"But… Link Rinku said he had no parents," said Zelda.

"Is… is he available? C-c-c-can I talk to him?" the voice asked.

"Are you _really _Link's mom?" Zelda asked,

"Yeah, but I know you're not Gaepora. You're a little girl pretending to be him!" said the lady on the phone.

"Well, Gaepora is my father but his brain stopped working, so I'm taking his calls," said Zelda.

"Oh, okay. My, that sounds horrible!" said the lady.

"Yeah," said Zelda.

"Now, is my baby there? Is he okay? I've been looking for him," the lady said nervously.

"He's right here," said Zelda, handing the phone to Link.

"Link? Is that you?" asked the lady.

"Yeh," said Link hoarsely.

"What the heck happened to your voice, Link? It's a lot deeper than I remember!" said the mom.

"Mama?" asked Link in a higher voice.

"That's my baby! How would you like to come home to my new house?" the mom asked,.

"Oh, mama! Link like you!" said Link.

"Like? Not love?" said the mom, disheartened.

Link began hugging and kissing the phone.

"Okay, babe, I'll be there in tennn minutessss! Bye-bye now," said the mom.

Link hung up sadly. "Mama," he said. "Zelda no my mama? Link like Zelda mama!"

"Your _real _mama will be there for you," said Zelda.

Link blew a kiss at Zelda and went to pack his stuff.

Zelda cried for some dumb reason.

Ten minutes later, a lady who looked just like Link came in holding a backpack. "Is my baby here?" she asked.

Link ran up to the lady and tried to climb onto her but he was by this time much bigger than her so he just hugged her.

"Whoa, why did you get so big?" the mom asked. "You used to be a little guy!" She made the "small" sign with her fingers.

"Ummm… Link like you?" Link asked.

"That's my boy! Do you need your diaper changed?" the mom asked

"Wha?" said Link hoarsely.

"I guess you don't," said the mom. "Let's go home! Your daddy is there too!"

"No, I'm right here," said the dad, walking in. "Honey, you left me in the carriage."

Link peed on the floor because he was so shocked.

"How about now?" the mom asked.

"Wait, you can't go home in the middle of the school day!" said Zelda.

"Yes we can!" said the mom, throwing a Rupee bag at Zelda.

Zelda took the bag and glared at the mom. "Why, you-"she started, but the family had already walked out of the school.

The trip to the house was very long. It was in northwest Hyrule, in a fancy area not stricken by the tornado.

Link sat in the back of the carriage, saying,

"Gotta pee! Gotta pee!"over and over again. Whenever they went over a bump, he would say,

"Gotta peeeeeeeeee!" in a more distressed way.

"Does he ever poop?" the dad asked.

"You're the one who changes him!" yelled the mom.

"He just peed ten minutes ago!" said the dad.

"Gotta pee now!" said Link, more urgently this time.

"Okay, okay, we will stop here!" said the dad, pulling over at a market with an outhouse.

Then, the dad helped Link step out of the carriage.

Link was holding himself. "Oh, oh, oh, gotta peee," he said, on the brink of tears.

Link's dad opened the door and said, "Go on in there, little buddy."

When Link dashed in as if his life depended on it, the dad slammed the door on Link.

Link sat down on the toilet even though he said he had to pee.

Link spent a good deal of time groaning and after about ten minutes, his dad knocked on the door.

"I thought you had to pee?" he said.

"Yeh," said Link hoarsely.

"You okay in there, little buddy?" the dad asked.

"Gotta pee," said Link,

Link's dad opened the door on Link without asking.

Link was still sitting. Then, he waved hi to his dad.

"Did you go?" the dad asked,

"No," said Link.

"Hurry up! We need to get home!" said Link's dad.

Link shamelessly peed right in front of his dad.

"Okay, you done now?" the dad asked.

"No," said Link, standing up.

"Then why did you stand up?" the dad asked.

"Gotta pee!" said Link.

The dad just stared at Link.

Link pulled his pants back up.

"You didn't even wipe!" wailed Alfon, bursting out of the woods, holding a package of baby wipes.

Link grabbed the package of wipes from Alfon and shoved it down his pants.

"Aaaaahhhhh," he sighed.

"Go home Alfon. You're drunk!" said his brother, Link's dad.

"No. Maybe you are," said Alfon, glaring sullenly at his brother.

Link's dad hurried Link away and continued leading him home.

Alfon dropped to his knees in front of the outhouse and wept bitterly.

When Link got home, his dad said, "So? How do you like it?"

Link looked around. There was a big "welcome home" banner. There were also Link's old pictures that he had drawn as a younger child hanging up. Link's bed had the most comfy and luxurious bedding in Hyrule. Just kidding, but still soft and cozy.

There were lots of toys that Link would love to play with, and coloring books too.

"Link like!" said Link, jumping into his bed and instantly falling asleep. He did not even want to wake up for dinner.

"Boo boo, don't you want some dinner? It's not soup, honey pie," said Link's mom. But although she kept shaking her son, he barely stirred.

Link's mom panicked and called for her husband. "Honey, Link isn't waking up!"

"He's probably just tired from the long trip," said her husband. "Let him sleep."

"I don't want him to go to bed hungry," the mom worried,

"Don't worry, he'll be fine," said the dad, reading his newspaper.

Link didn't even realize that the Groose Mask was right above his headboard.


	23. The next morning

The next morning, Link did not wake up.

"I fried cucco eggs!" sang his mom.

Link did not move.

"Oh, dear, is he sick?" the mom asked.

Link's dad put down his newspaper. "He didn't seem sick before we bought him home, did he?"

"Lots of Hylians have been getting sick with many different ailments," said the mom.

"I know. I was reading the newspaper," said the dad. "Maybe if I smack him, he will wake up!"

"But that would hurt him," said the mom.

Link's dad hit his son on the butt with the rolled newspaper.

Link's mom felt Link's forehead. "I think he has a fever," she said.

"Oh, no, it's the Hylian flu!" screamed the dad.

"Call a doctor," said Link's mom.

Link's dad picked him out of the bed.

Link hung floppily from his dad's arms.

"He even wet the bed," Link's mom sighed.

Link's dad called the doctor and came back a minute later.

"He won't be able to check in until this afternoon," he said. "Apparently, he's checking in on an older gentleman right now."

"But my baby is sick!" said the mom, rocking Link on a rocking chair. "I only wanted to have him back in my arms again."

"I don't know this went so wrong. All he did was go to bed," said the dad.

"It must be this stupid mask! Why did I even buy it?!" the mom screamed, brandishing a sledgehammer. She then swung the sledgehammer into the wall, smashing the Groose Mask in.

"My mask!" cried Alfon, who appeared in the house.

"My wall!" yelled Link's dad.

"My baby!" said Link's mom.

Link began gasping for air.

"I think he might die," said the mom.

The Hylian flu is way more serious than the regular flu that humans get, despite the word flu in its name.

"Okay, hurry and load him up," said Link's dad, and then mumbled, "The poor boo boo."

The couple drove their child to the hospital as quickly as possible. They were surprised to see Karane sitting in a chair, yelling about how she should get attention. In fact, her belly actually looked like a might be the tiniest bit larger than usual.

Just then, Pipit walked in and found Karane, and the two began arguing for no reason and the conversation was made up almost entirely of banned Hylian words.

Karane jumped up and stuck her finger in Pipit's face. "I'm sick and dying, and you come here to yell at me!" she cried. "Also, I'm hungry."

The desk lady threw a pickle at Karane which knocked her hat off of her head.

Link's parents had trouble moving in their son because the futilely arguing couple was blocking the way.

"Move it, you little girl! My son is dying!" cried Link's dad.

"I'm dying even more!" said Karane, dropping to the floor to lie down. "See my body deteriorating? I need help!"

Pipit glared at Karane. "You're just faking it. Let these people in to help their child."

Link had his hat over his face, so could not tell that it was Link.

Link's parents eventually just trampled over Karane and ran up to the front desk, where the desk lady was munching on pickles.

"Hey! Respect this lady!" said Pipit.

"Our son….sick, dying, Hylian flu, won't wake up…. Help!" said Link's mom.

The desk lady spit pickle juice onto Link's mom and instantly started examining Link.

Karane got up, covered in shoe prints. Her jerkin was ripped.

"You hurt me and my baby!" said Karane.

"Um… Karane, you don't… have a baby," said Pipit.

"I will soon!" said Karane.

"Yeah right," said Pipit. "Unless you cheated on me!"

"Honestly, I didn't!" said Karane, about to cry.

Pipit wiped Karane's tears away. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" he asked Karane.

"Ummm, I like secrets?" said Karane, fidgeting with the torn edge of her jerkin.

"Well, I don't!" said Pipit.

Karane giggled and ruffled Pipit's hair.

"Bad girl," said Pipit.

"Feed me?" said Karane.

"When are you due?" Pipit asked.

"Not very soon," said Karane. "Now feed me!"

Pipit took a package of saltine crackers out of his purse and tossed it to Karane. Bonk! It hit her in the eye.

Karane groaned. "Oy, that hurt," she said.

"You deserve it!" said Pipit.

Karane continued rubbing her eye.

"You okay?" Pipit asked.

"Yeah, but my stomach is killing me and I don't know why!" said Karane.

"Maybe you ate too much," said Pipit.

"Hungry!" said Karane.

Pipit patted Karane's ginger head. "No food for you! You threw my saltine crackers!'

Karane butted Pipit in the stomach with her head.

"Why, you-" Pipit said. Karane was giggling hysterically until Pipit chased after her, then proceeded to head butt her in the stomach right back.

"Stop!" cried Karane breathlessly. "This is not the place to play!"

Pipit and Karane leapfrogged out of the building and to their new house.

Karane was the first to stand up.

"Okay, Pip, I'm tired now," she panted. "I'm done playing."

"Little kids like to play a lot," said Pipit winking.

"You don't think-" said Karane.

"I do," said Pipit.

"Noooooooo!" wailed Karane. "I don't want kids!"

"Well, it's inevitable at this point," said Pipit.

Karane gave Pipit a hug and a kiss.


	24. Why can't chapters have question marks

Link's mom sat in a chair next to her son's hospital bed and cried. Nobody knew what had happened to her son. She wouldn't know for a long time. This was the first time she had seen him in years, and he had fallen ill so mysteriously. In fact, he seemed almost normal until went home.

Why do I say "almost" normal? Well, think about it. Has Link ever acted normal?

Anyway, Link's mom is so stupid that she wanted to hold her unconscious son's hand. Who does that?!

She continued being stupid by staying with Link through the night and not moving unnecessarily.

Meanwhile, Pipit forced Karane to take a pregnancy test and he watched her, which made Karane very uncomfortable. She cursed at Pipit the entire time she was doing it. I can't believe that they are still married.

"So, what does it say?" said Pipit.

"You're supposed to take them in the [bleep] morning, you [bleep] idiot! You failure!" snapped Karane, who ended up tackling Pipit.

Finally, Link's mom (who knows where his dad went) fell asleep and was rudely awakened when the lights were turned on.

"What do you want?!" she yelled.

"It's me," said a doctor. "I'm here for your son."

The doctor was wearing a long black dress and a white sanitary mask. Link's mom still had not wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"It's the grim reaper!" she screamed. "NO! DON'T TAKE MY BABY!"

"Relax, I'm only the doctor," said the doctor.

"That's what they all say!" screamed Link's mom, holding up her purse in defense.

"The grim reaper would have a scythe," said the doctor.

"How do I know you're not hiding it?!" Link's mom screamed.

Okay, okay, we know Link's last name is Rinku, so from now on we'll call her Mrs. Rinku.

"Can I please check out your child?" asked the doctor.

"Over my dead body!" said Mrs. Rinku.

Okay, you'll notice that is NOT good word choice.

"Sorry, ma'am but I _have _to help your child," the doctor insisted. "I'm just going to examine him."

Mrs. Rinku leaned over Link. "Get out!" she said.

"Very well, then, but I_ will _be back," said the doctor.

"Never!" said Mrs. Rinku.

Soon, the police came in.

"There you are!" said Mrs. Rinku. "Get him!"

"We have to take your child from you," said the policeman.

"What?! Why?" screamed Mrs. Rinku.

"You're refusing him life-saving treatment," said the policeman. "He's very sick. He might have the Hylian flu."

"What? I was protecting him!" said Mrs. Rinku, but the police brought her down, handcuffed her and took her away while the doctor examined Link.

Mrs. Rinku was not arrested but rather escorted to her house.

(Hylians have a weird law system, courtesy of the princess who is not yet a Zelda, but in the future the princess will be one named Zelda.)

Mrs. Rinku cried and screamed until the next morning.

"I _will _go back and see him!" she said. "Nobody can separate me from my beautiful angel!"

The other side of Hyrule was awakened by Karane screaming.

"Oh, no!" she said. "Houston, we have a problem!"

Pipit gave Karane a concerned look. "You're not pregnant?'

"The bad news is that I am!" she said.

"Really?" asked Pipit excitedly.'

"Yes! I took another test this morning and it says positive!" Karane wailed.

"But that's good news!" said Pipit.

"For you, maybe. Not for me!" said Karane. "I don't want a baby! We have not even been married for a full year!"

"Relax, girl," said Pipit, patting Karane's shoulder. "Everything will be alright. We can afford a baby."

"But I'll be a terrible mother!" said Karane.

"Do we need to read up on parenting?" Pipit asked,

"I guess so," said Karane. "But, but should I tell the others?"

"It's your choice," said Pipit. "But I think it would be lovely! We can have a neighborhood gathering."

"I suppose," sighed Karane, sitting down,

"I think something else has you worried," said Pipit.

"No, I guess I'm just not confident in myself," said Karane.

"Okay, Karane just be glad we know for sure," said Pipit.

"I have known!" said Karane. "Well, I mean I suspected that I was pregnant, but…"

Karane sighed again. "Now I know it's inevitable. I will have a baby."

"How far along are you?" asked Pipit.

"That I do not know," said Karane. "But on the bright side, I'm not fat!"

"That's the spirit… I guess?" said Pipit. "Oh, and look out, Karane, your mom is approaching the house!"

Karane grabbed some smooth stones out from under her bed. "I've got my ammo ready," she said.

"Please don't stone your mom again," sighed Pipit.

"Try and stop me!" said Karane. "That old witch thinks she can come into _my _house without permission? She's wrong! She's totally wrong!"

"I told her that she could come," said Pipit.

Karane stuck her tongue out at Pipit.

Just then, Ms. Raven knocked on the door.


	25. THE OWL IS BACK!

Pipit went to open the door.

"Please don't let the beast in!" Karane panicked.

"Tough luck. She can come check in on her son-in-law," said Pipit.

"And not her own daughter?" asked Karane, shrinking and hiding under the bed.

"Your loss," said Pipit, opening the door.

"Hi, Pipit!" said Ms. Raven.

"Fine, I guess I'll send in _your _mom one day and see how you like it," said Karane.

"I'd love it!" said Pipit.

"Where's Karane? I wanted to tell her something!" sang Ms. Raven.

"I hope it's not what I think it is," said Pipit.

"She'll have to come out so I can tell her," said Ms. Raven.

"I haven't seen my daddy in years," moaned Karane, still under the bed.

"Oh, he's _definitely _still alive," said Ms. Raven, winking.

Karane slid out from under the bed.

"My, you're dusty," said Ms. Raven, trying to wipe the dust from Karane's jerkin. Then, Ms. Raven made a sour face.

"Karane Grusi!" she said.

Karane cringed. "Yes, mother?"

"Have you been overeating again?" Ms. Raven asked.

"None of your business!" snapped Karane.

"Why, I never!" said Ms. Raven.

Pipit glared at Karane. "Tell her the truth," he said.

"No way! I want it to be a surprise for later!" said Karane.

"Let me guess, you're pregnant?" Ms. Raven said.

"Yes! How did you know?!" said Karane.

"That's what I was coming here to tell you! We both had the same surprise!" giggled Ms. Raven.

Karane's jaw dropped. "You've… got… to be kidding me," she said.

"I kid you not," said Ms. Raven.

"But you're so old!" said Karane.

"I'm 40. How would you like if I told you that you're too young?" Ms. Raven shot back.

"I'm married and can do what I want!" insisted Karane. "Besides, I want to be an only child. I have been for 20 years! Hey… I'm not too young if you were 20 when you had me!"

"But, Karane, I… kind of lied to you," said Ms. Raven.

"About what?' Karane asked.

"You're not 20. You're 19," said Ms. Raven.

"I'm still a teenager?" shrieked Karane.

"Hey! I'm also 19!" said Pipit.

"These are the consequences of young love," said Ms. Raven. "Bye-bye, now!"

Ms. Raven grew angel wings. Her dress turned into a tunic. Harp music played and she floated up into the sky and flew away.

"Mom?! Mom!" cried Karane.

A flapping noise was heard and ominous music began to play.

"Okay, she's coming back down now, hopefully," said Pipit.

But instead, a large owl came down and landed in the house's doorway.

"Not you again!" screamed Karane. "Die! Die die die! DieDieDieDieDie!"

She began stoning the owl, whose head was twitching from one face to another.

"Dear me, stop! Hoo hoo hoo!" the owl cried, backing up. "If you keep this up, I shall have to fly low."

"Die!" said Karane.

"I love owls!" said Pipit. "Don't stone him!"

Then, Pipit took a closer look at the owl. "Oh my goddess! That thing has its head upside down!"

"Yes, yes, I do," said the owl.

Karane was running around looking for more stones.

The owl then took off and flew away, but not before dropping a mess on Karane's head.


	26. More random stuff

An angry Karane stomped back into the house.

"Curse that stupid owl!" she yelled. "He just ruined my entire day! And where did my mom go?"

Ms. Raven appeared behind Karane.  
"Here I am!" she said.

Karane punched her mom.

"Go to jail you wretched child!" yelled Ms. Raven. "I don't even know why I'm having another child!"

"Maybe the next one won't have these stupid mood swings!" yelled Karane.

"Well you just hit it," said Ms. Raven sadly.

"It?" asked Karane.

"If it's a girl, it will be a copy of you," said Ms. Raven.

"You don't know what you're having?" Karane asked.

"Nope," said Ms. Raven. "But neither do you."

"It's a boy, I think," said Karane.

I should note that Ms. Raven no longer had her tunic or her wings.

"Yes!" said Pipit. He jumped through the roof, breaking it.

"I just fixed that," said Karane.

Ms. Raven idiotically looked up through the hole. "What goes up must come down," she said. And at that moment, Pipit fell on her.

"Mom, are you okay?" Karane asked.

"Couldn't be better!" said Mrs. Raven.

Pipit got off of Mrs. Raven.

"Sorry," he said.

"Oh, no worries," said Mrs. Raven.

"Well, I'll be late to work!" said Karane. "And I'm still in my pajamas!"

Karane put her hat on and ran out barefoot in her pajamas.

"I didn't know she had a job," said Pipit.

"Me either," said Mrs. Raven,

"Oh, oh, she must be delusional again," said Pipit. He then ran out the door.

Karane burst into the Hylian Hospital again, panting.

"You again?" said a security guard.

"Yup! I'm here to visit my baby brother!" Karane lied.

"What's the name?" the security guard asked.

"Link Rinku!" Karane lied.

"Oh, he's your baby brother?" a nurse asked. "I'm so sorry but he has the Hylian flu and it's _**Highly in**_fectious."

"I want to get sick!" said Karane, lifting her arms up. Her pajama top was so short that it came up when she did this.

"I'm sorry but no," said the nurse. "I bet Link Rinku isn't even your baby brother."

"He isn't," said Mrs. Rinku, walking out of a patient room wearing a mask. "I should know. I'm his mother and that girl there is a complete stranger."

"My shirt is too short," said Karane.

"Shut up!" yelled Mrs. Rinku, slapping Karane's face.

Karane growled and tackled Mrs. Rinku.

The security guard pulled Karane off of Mrs. Rinku and threw her outside.

"My baby brother," cried Karane.


	27. Notice how Horwell is not in this story

Karane was escorted home and began knitting randomly.

"Hi Karane. Whatcha Knittin'?" asked Pipit. He said it the same way Isabella asks Phineas, if you know what I mean.

"I dunno… stuff," Karane sighed absently.

"Tiny little stuff?" Pipit asked suspiciously. "Karane, I know you like to knit random stuff, but what is this?"

"I don't know!" screamed Karane. "Leave me the heck alone!"

"I'm going shopping then," said Pipit. "I'm going to get milk and eggs and…"

"Yeah, whatever," said Karane. "Just go!"

"And lace panties and new curtains and…"

"Go now! And why would you buy lace panties?" Karane snapped.

"For me to wear! Duh!" said Pipit. "How many rooms do we have in our house?"

"Umm…" said Karane. "Why does it matter right now?"

"Just count while I'm gone!" said Pipit dashing away.

Well, there's the main room which is a combination of an atrium and living room, there's the kitchen, the bathroom, the toilet room (the toilet and bath are in different rooms), and Pipit and Karane's shared bedroom.

"No room for any kids in his house!" said Karane. Then, she noticed that a door was behind the wardrobe had been impulsively shoved into the room before the two had even moved in.

"Aha! A secret room!" said Karane, pushing the armoire away. That wasn't a smart choice for a small girl to push a big heavy piece of furniture but she somehow managed to.

Karane tried not to breathe in the dust that flew at her as she opened the door.

The room behind the door was bigger than a closet and a pretty decent size.

"Well, that sucks," said Karane.

The room was horrible! The wallpaper was pastel striped with flowers. The floor was hardwood. There was a window in the back.

"I guess I'll let Pipit know," sighed Karane. "He might want a man cave, though."

Just then, Pipit climbed through the window in the back of the secret room. He had a grocery bag around his neck.

"I'm back! What a nice room!" he said.

The next words he said Karane dreaded.

"Perfect for our child!"

"We won't have one," Karane snapped.

"Then what is inside of you?" Pipit asked.

"A miracle!" Karane sung, doing a pirouette.

"Your mom is right, though," said Pipit. "We should have waited longer."

"Oh, well," said Karane. "Where is Link?"

"Why does it matter?" asked Pipit.

"Link is my baby boo boo," said Karane.

"I hope you don't think you can act like Zelda," said Pipit.

"Not ever! I'm better than her!" said Karane. "Her hair looks like rat tails!"

"At least she doesn't have dandruff in her hair!" Pipit snapped.

Karane hissed at Pipit.

Pipit backed up. "Okay, okay, calm down girly," he said.

Karane took a knitting needle out of her purse and stuck it up Pipit's nose.

"Ow!" cried Pipit, who now had a pierced nose.

"I want Link!" howled Karane.

Just then, the owl poked his head though Karane's window and dropped a letter on her, much the way Zelda's loftwing drops a letter on Link in the beginning of Skyward Sword.

Karane opened it and read it.

It said, in very messy handwriting:

_Hi! Me Link Rinku!_

_Me sick wit Hylian Flu!_

_Me get germs on this paper which I transmit to you! Ha ha! You will never find me!_

Karane dropped the paper in shock and ran to wash her hands.


	28. Link asks Karane Am U pregnant

"Oh my gosh!" said Pipit. "That is so sick!"

"Can I sit in your lap?" asked Karane.

"No," said Pipit tersely.

"Die," said Karane.

"No," said Pipit.

Meanwhile, Link was laughing maniacally about what he had done.

"That's really not funny," his mom said when she found out. "Link, what were you thinking?"

She was wearing a mask and gloves to prevent herself from catching the Hylian Flu.

Link cracked up even more after being scolded. Of course, he was now out of his short coma.

"Can I touch your face?" he asked his mom.

"No!" yelled his mom. "You're a very bad boy!"

"Eh?" asked Link hoarsely.

"It is taking me all I have not to hit you," said Link's mom through clenched teeth.

"Why?" Link asked, giggling.

"You know nothing," said Link's mom.

Link blew a kiss at his mom and giggled more.

Link's mom growled and stood up and left the room.

As soon as she was outside, she screamed and threw her purse.

"Is everything alright?" Link's nurse asked.

"I had to restrain myself," said Link's mom, her teeth still clenched. "My son is the brattiest child in all of Hyrule!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Should we have someone else watch him?" the nurse asked.

"Mama!" Link called, tapping the window. "Ma-maaaaaa!"

Link's mom turned around. "Baby?" she asked.

Link kissed the window and began laughing hysterically again.

Link's mom opened the door, knocking her child over.

"Oh, no," moaned Link, and then continued laughing.

"He's crazy!" said Mrs. Rinku.

"No, you are! You just knocked that poor child over!" said the nurse. "You're so evil, and he clearly loves you!"

Link got up and spun in little pirouettes.

"He likes to spin, rock and roll!" said Mrs. Rinku.

Link stuck his tongue out and saliva poured out of his mouth. He had laughed so hard that he was panting. He then began stomping back and forth.

"He has some movement fascination," noted the nurse.

"That's my baby," sighed Mrs. Rinku.

Link then sat down on the floor and began popping his cheeks while imitating fart sounds.

"He clearly wants your attention," said the nurse.

"What do you want?" snapped Mrs. Rinku.

"Ummm, ummmm, ummm, Link like you?" Link said, standing up and hopping on one leg.

Just then, Mr. Rinku came in.

"Sorry that I'm late, kiddo," he said. He was holding a newspaper. "Wait until you hear this amazing article!"

Here is a snippet of what Mr. Rinku read:

_After Midwestern Hyrule is struck by strange phenomenon of nature, other areas of Hyrule compose a genius idea to have s fundraiser show! All talented Hylians are welcome to sign up and show the country what they can do! The entry fee will be used to help the disaster-stricken Hylians._

"That's awesome!" said Mrs. Rinku. "I want to join!"

"And you have any talent?" asked Mr. Rinku.

"You and I could perform a skit together," said Mrs. Rinku.

"Ummm… ummm… ummm…. I like you?" Mr. Rinku said.

Mrs. Rinku hugged her husband. "We're in!"

Link tapped his mom's shoulder furiously.

"Yes, honey sunny bun?" the mom asked.

Link began signing furiously to his mom.

_I can perform, _he said,

"You can?" his mom masked in shock.

_Yes, I sing, _signed Link.

"You can NOT!" Mrs. Rinku gasped.

_I can, _signed Link. _Let me join. I surprise you. Very great voice. I wrote song myself._

Mrs. Rinku said, "Well, I suppose so. Just make sure you're well, son."

"There's a few weeks for him to recover," said Mr. Rinku. "But I'm very suspicious. He barely speaks a word. What he does say doesn't sound very clear. He struggles with speech. If he can't talk, how can he sing?"

Link cleared his throat and rubbed it with a smirk on his face.

"He'll need practice," said Mrs. Rinku.

That evening, Link took a shower and his parents heard him sing in the shower. Not actual words, just a fa-la-la.

"Wow," said Mr. Rinku. "Why did he never sing before?"

"He's a shy little guy," said Mrs. Rinku, reading a newspaper.

"I think he sounds good," said Mr. Rinku.

"But his voice is cracking," said Mrs. Rinku.

Link was covered in suds. 

"I wonder why it would be cracking?" asked the dad.

"Maybe it will change," said Mrs. Rinku.

"No way!" said Mr. Rinku.

Link had long armpit hair with soap dripping off. He decided to braid it.

"Hurry up, little guy!" said Mrs. Rinku. "Do you need help in there?"

"Yeh," said Link hoarsely.

Mrs. Rinku pushed open the door cautiously and saw Link's braided armpit hair.

"That's so gross," she said.

_Want daddy! _signed Link.

Mr. Rinku came in and stared at Link's braided armpit hair.

"What did you do, little guy?" Mr. Rinku asked.

_Braid, _signed Link.

"Oh, you're such a good braider!" said Mr. Rinku. "Can I help you braid your head hair?"

_Help me wash, _signed Link. _Cannot reach back._

"I want to help him wash himself!" whined Mrs. Rinku.

_Only daddy may help me, _signed Link.

"I actually don't even remember Link having armpit hair," said Mrs. Rinku.

"Maybe it grew in over the years he was gone," said Mr. Rinku.

Link stuck his tongue out at his mom.

Mr. Rinku began soaping Link's back.

_Like daddy more, _signed Link.

Mrs. Rinku pouted. "But I love you, son!"

Link purred while he had his back scrubbed.

Mrs. Rinku ran out crying.

When done, Mr. Rinku asked his son if he needed more help.

"Gotta pee," said Link.

"Dry your booty or you'll slip off the toilet," called Mrs. Rinku.

_Link will stand up this time around, _Link signed.

"He doesn't need your help!" said Mr. Rinku. "He loves his daddy more."

"Why couldn't I have a girl?" cried Mrs. Rinku.

Karane climbed through the bedroom window.

"Aaaah!" screamed Mrs. Rinku. "Stop going after my child!"

"But I want to," said Karane.

"No," said Mrs. Rinku.

Karane screamed. "I need a shower!" she said. "I'm so stinking dirty!"

"Tough luck. Little Rinku is in there," said Mrs. Rinku.

Link's dad came out of the bathroom, soaked wet. "He peed on me," he said.

Link's mom shrieked. "No! Not in all his innocence!"

"Yes, in all his innocence," sighed Mr. Rinku.

Link came out, fully dressed. _Soft clothes, _he signed. "Link like!"

Link's mom gave him a hug.

_Am not wearing panties, _Link signed.

Then, Link saw Karane. "Am u pregnant?" he asked her.

Karane glared at Link. "Yes," she said.

_Little baby, _signed Link.

"Yes," said Karane. "A little baby."

_Link want to see little baby, _Link signed.

"It has not come out yet," said Karane.

_When? _Link asked.

"In August, I think," said Karane.

Link smiled. _My birthday in August, _he signed. _Zelda's too!  
_

"I know that," said Karane.

_August 22__nd__ my birthday, _said Link.

_Am u mama? _Link signed.

"Am I what?" asked Karane.

_Ms. Raven your mama, _signed Link.

"Yes. Do you want to see her? She's standing in the parking lot," said Karane/

_Ms. Raven u grandma, _Link signed.

"No, she's my mom," said Karane.

_You only child, _Link said.

"Yep," said Karane.

"Link is too," said Mrs. Rinku. "Well, he had a twin sister, but… but we lost her."

_Where she go? _ Link said.

"I'll tell you when you are old enough to understand," said Mrs. Rinku.

_She in there? Girl there? _ Link asked pointing to Karane.

"What does that mean?" Karane asked.

_You have my girl? _Link asked.

"No," said Karane.

_Yes, she my baby girl, _Link signed.

"I actually don't know what gender it is," said Karane.

_Remember, Link say it girl, _Link signed.

"Okay," said Karane.

_If you no have my girl, then maybe your mama do, _said Link.

"My mom does not have anything for you," said Karane.

_See your mom in parking lot, _signed Link. _Want to ask her am Karane pregnant and have baby girl._

"I'll call her up here," said Karane, calling her mom on her cell phone.

Minutes later, Mrs. Raven appeared. "What does Link want?" she asked.

_Link want you to say if Karane pregnant, _Link signed.

"She is," said Mrs. Raven.

_She have my baby girl, _Link signed. _Where is sister?_

"Karane does not have a sister," said Mrs. Raven.

_I do, but she gone,_ signed Link. _You find her!  
_

"I don't know where your sister is!" exclaimed Mrs. Raven. "Don't ask me! 

_Your mama no help, _signed Link.

"Well, what you're asking for does not even make sense," Karane pointed out.

Link's parents were just watching this whole thing happen.

_Hug you please, _Link said to Karane.

"Why," said Karane.

_Link love you! You bring me baby! _ signed Link.

"It's mine!" said Karane. "You can't have it!"

_You betray your best friend, _signed Link. _Only want to see your baby!  
_

"Well, I'm calling Pipit," said Karane.

_Baby from Pipit? _Link asked.

"Yes, he is the daddy," said Karane.

_Have prank called Pipit before, _Link said. _Fun!  
_

Pipit stomped in. "What is going on?"

"Link thinks he is entitled to our baby," said Karane.

_No, only want to see it when born, _Link insisted. _Blood bath!  
_

"Blood bath? What the heck?" Pipit asked.

_Baby born in blood, _Link said, _Karane's born in blood! Never took a bath, though._

"Yes, there is blood," Karane said.

_Link never seen baby before,_ Link signed. _Link can have?_

"No!" said Karane. "Quit asking!"

_Must be Groose then, _Link signed. _Karane related to Groose cause she rudest person I ever met! No like her!  
_

"If you take my baby, I will kill you!" said Karane.

"No way! Link no like!" said Link.

"Yeah, leave my wife alone!" said Pipit.

Link poked Karane in the belly button.

"Stop touching me!" said Karane.

"Our baby is only curious," said Mrs. Rinku, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Yeah, Karane stop being a selfish jerk!" said Mrs. Raven.

_Link wanted baby so badly, but he no get, _Link signed. _Of no use to me! I hereby proclaimed mine rights to thine child! _

"I'm outta here," said Karane, leaving with her purse.


	29. Suspense

Pipit followed Karane out the door, but for some reason Mrs. Raven stayed behind.

"I love Link and can answer all his questions!" she said.

_How baby get? _Link asked.

"Except for that one," said Mrs. Raven.

_You suck, _Link signed.

"Ask another question," said Mrs. Raven.

_Blood? _ asked Link.

"Blood where?" asked Mrs. Raven.

_Baby am bathe in blood? _Link asked.

"Where the heck are you getting these questions from?" Mrs. Raven asked.

"Sick Groose!" Link wailed, pointing out the window.

The Groose mask had balloons tied to it and was floating outside the window! 

"Link, no one would take a bath in blood," said Mrs. Raven.

_Sick Groose tell me that you must bathe in blood, then baby come! _ Link signed.

Mrs. Raven made a disgusted face. "No," she said,

The Groose Mask bobbed up and down teasingly.

Mrs. Rinku pulled her son over by his shirt collar.

"Link, stop asking those questions," said Mrs. Rinku.

_But Mrs. Raven! She could manage to answer any thing in the land of Hyrule! _Link insisted.

"Link, we went over this before. There is no blood bath!" scolded Mrs. Rinku.

_How baby come? _Link asked.

"Well, Karane is my baby," said Mrs. Raven.

_Couldn't you have one baby, couldn't you managed to have one after all? _ Link asked.

"I did, that is Karane, and I am now done having babies!" said Mrs. Raven.

_No happy the second child, _Link signed.

"I will NOT have a second child!" yelled Mrs. Raven. "Pick another subject!"

_Link wanna be a daddy!_ Link signed.

"I'm sorry Link…but you're neutered," said the dad sympathetically.

_What that mean?_ Link asked.

"It means you will NOT be a daddy," said Mr. Rinku.

_I'll just have to try harder, _signed Link.

"Link, you can't be a daddy," said Mr. Rinku. "It's not possible!"

_Link is a man, and can be a daddy! _said Link. _Men become daddies!  
_

"No, you don't have the right body parts for that," said Mr. Rinku.

_Then I girl? I be mommy? _Link asked.

"No!" said Mrs. Raven.

_Link no gender? I'm a reject! _Link signed. _Groose always told me I was girl!  
_

"Ha! I'm right!" said Groose, entering the room. His music played.

Link gasped. "No like Sick Groose!" he said.

"So, Link, will you be my girlfriend?" Groose asked.

Link flipped his long, blonde, locks.

"She's flirting with me!" Groose gushed.

"He is not! His hair was getting his eyes, you whacko!" said Mrs. Rinku.

Link nodded.

"She's saying yes! My first girlfriend!" squealed Groose.

Link farted.

Groose groaned. "Oh! Ugh!"

Link grinned.

Groose ran away gagging.

Link grimaced.

"You okay, boo boo?" asked Mrs. Rinku.

A sour look crossed Link's face. _Groose tried to kiss me once before, _he signed.

"He did? Did you let him?" asked Mrs. Rinku.

_No, he harassed me and should be put in jail,_ Link signed.

"What did you do to him?" Mrs. Rinku asked.

_I bit him on the lips! _Link signed. _Aren't you proud of me?_

"Wow! You brave boy!" said Mrs. Rinku.

Link bounced up and down on the bed.

"Do you need to go pee pee?" asked Mrs. Rinku.

_No, I just went, _said Link.

The last time Link went to the hospital, it was because he wasn't peeing and was getting very sick. It turns out that he had a blockage that prevented that, but it had been cleared up. Maybe now his system was a little too clear.

Link rolled up in his bed to chew his toenails. His gown went up.

"You're right! Link am not wearing panties!" said Mrs. Raven.

Link giggled and put his legs back down.

"Link Rinku! How dare you flash a dear old lady!" said Mrs. Rinku.

"I'm probably around your age," said Mrs. Raven.

Link continued to giggle.

"It's not funny!" yelled Mrs. Rinku. "Not everybody wants to see that!"

Mrs. Raven left.

Mrs. Rinku ran up to Link and shook his shoulders.

"Well, it seems like you're perfectly well now. We're checking out and getting you ready for the show!"Mrs., Rinku said.

Back at home, Link continued warming his voice up but not a word was sung. Mrs., Rinku was beginning to lose faith in her son.

The day of the show drew nearer. Mrs. Rinku was all ready, but still worried about Link's performance. Link was at the end, so it was up to him to finish up the show. Rehearsals were not held, as the show was a fundraiser.

Finally, Link told his mom in sign language,

"It's not a solo."

"Who is singing with you?" Link's mom asked.

_Secret, _Link signed.

The day of the show finally arrived.

There were so many acts that the host said it might last _days! _All these Hylians wanted to help. It was rumored one person could enter twice.

Since there were many acts, I should express some of the acts done by (ahem) notable people.

Karane (surprise) was one of the earlier acts. Apparently, she knew Karate. She demonstrated this by kicking boards with her feet, although this frowned upon by some Hylians that wanted to use them as building material. Karane then made the mistake of kicking with both feet at once, and she landed on her butt with her legs split. She was then escorted off of the stage. Many Hylians in the audience booed her. It really wasn't a good act.

Pipit then sang a song he wrote about how much he loved Karane. While he had a decent singing voice, after Karane's stunt not many audience members were fond of her, and Pipit got pelted with tomatoes.

"You're supposed to throw rupees at the ones you like!" Karane cheered from the wheelchair she borrowed from the institution. Who knows why she had it. I'll explain later. Anyway, Karane was screaming and throwing rupees, and got an apple core thrown at her head.

"This is not off to a good start," worried Mrs. Rinku.

"I hope it gets better," said Mr. Rinku.

"Where's my doddy?" asked Zelda, who was in the audience.

"He had a stroke and died!" said Karane, waving to whoever was on the stage.

"He did not!" said Zelda.

"Well, where is he? He hasn't been around for so long!" Karane said.

"I don't know," said Zelda. "That's why I asked."

Gaepora was easing his fat body through the crowd.

"Are you in the show?" Karane asked, a glimmer of sun revealing slight freckles on her face.

"Yes," said Zelda.

"What are you doing?" Karane asked.

"Well, first I'm going to play my harp and sing," said Zelda.

"The only song you know is the ballad of the goddess," Karane reminded Zelda.

"I'm going to improvise and play it backwards," said Zelda.

"Wonderful," said Karane.

"Also, later I will sing a duet with _someone special," _Zelda said, winking.

"Ooh! I cannot wait!" Karane squealed.

"Here's a hint: It's not you!" said Zelda.

"I still cannot wait to see you make out with Link!" said Karane.

"As if," said Zelda.

Gaepora came up behind Zelda. All the squeezing had made him fart a lot, so now he smelled very bad! He was also very sweaty. He decided to sneak behind Zelda and put his sweaty hands on her eyes!  
Zelda screamed.

"Guess who?" Gaepora asked.

Zelda shrieked. "Get your sweaty hands off of me, you stinky guy!"

Gaepora was offended as he took his hands off of Zelda's eyes, which were now burning.

"Why did you just call me a stinky guy?" he asked.

Zelda was squinting too badly to see her dad, but she recognized his voice.

"Daddy!" she said excitedly. "You must have been farting."

Gaepora farted again.

Zelda shrieked and changed seats. Gaepora's stench cleared enough space for him to sit his fat butt.

Zelda's singing and harp-playing was actually the most decent act so far. She was rewarded greatly.

The day drew on, but finally it was time for Link's act.

Are you ready?

Do you think he can really sing?


End file.
